Use Your Powers for Good Not Evil

I'm currently sitting amongst the detritus in my room of the last week or so of my life. As I look around I can see the dress I wore to opening night, a shoebox filled with shoes that don't fit and need to go away, bits and pieces of Boston, books, pens - frankly, this room is mess. My bed has become the island in the ocean of clutter.

Life has been strange - I think that life is always strange, so maybe it is just in it's normal state - a kind of rather interesting, manageable chaos. I think that going to Boston this past weekend was a good choice to clear my head and just not think for a minute. For the first time in a while, I let myself not think about work. I did however read performance reports and will go into work an hour early to deal with Playbill tomorrow. But for the moment, the storm is quiet.

I think that the last week or so has also reminded me that plans and self-imposed rules don't usually work out. In the midst of supposedly being "on hiatus" from the opposite sex, I have gotten myself into what could loosely be described as a "situation". I guess the only thing you can do when you suddenly find yourself in a "situation" is to be cautious and don't talk about it.

From a romance standpoint, I suppose that sounds extremely cynical and not very optimistic. On the contrary, I think it is an indication of learning from the past on my part. When you meet someone, and there is some sort of chemistry (ie. you end up talking to them from another city on the phone at 2 am), AND it's unexpected, you need time to figure it out before your 12,000 friends overanalyze the situation.

Before that happens you have to figure out things like (and this is purposely strung together because it is mainly for my entertainment): will this person understand idiosyncrasies be willing to travel understand i don't have all the answers realize that just because i have guy friends i'm not secretly in love with them look the way i want them to without a shirt have a sense of humor when it comes to awkward situations will like baseball game food and know that i always travel with a book be a little obsessed with pop culture like to read will let me spend an hour wandering understand alone time be obsessed with brushing teeth not have scary body hair will be ok with the fact that i am obsessed with clothes but won't let it trickle into other parts of life won't present themselves as one person when they actually someone else realize the fine line between sticking out and fitting in will be willing to talk it out won't expect me to know how to cook everything because i am girl.

I'm basically procrastinating at this point and should be doing many things. Peace out for now. As per usual, I have more to say and didn't write yesterday when the ideas came, so instead this watered down version of my thoughts will have to suffice.

Multitasking is the Devil.

In an attempt to be efficient and make my lunch for tomorrow while blowdrying my hair, I was only able to set off the fire alarm by burning a quesidilla.

Oh well. I have brown hair again - bye bye blond bits. Also, the Housing Works Book Fair was yesterday and I missed it - I was there last year - basically I just had the realization that I am in the same city I was a year ago, albeit with a new job, new home, new goals, new friends, and frankly a much better situation.

Ok! Off to the bar to watch the Steelers then to a short film festival, then to a night cap event for work....you know, no outfit really covers all three events in the perfect way.

Out of the Woods.

I can breathe again and concentrate on other things. I haven't written in this blog in nearly two months with good reason. Somethings aren't meant for public consumption and somethings have to be figured out/dealt with/experienced privately.

So yes, it's over. And that blog reader, is all you get to know. It's good that it is over.

A short list of life backwards:
Barack (as in Obama) on Broadway
Broadway Flea Market
What is this thing called quasi dating?
Grand Buffet/that night I cried in the street and then ate tater tots
Two break ups, luckily not mine
Baseball Fever
Hip hop dance class
Sucking it up and writing a work related apology email
Interns and learning what that is about
Zoo-tastic at the WTF
Jacob's Pillow, Car breaks down, Willamstown, Car still breaks down.

Because Being a Grown Up Means...

I have to be positive because I don't want to know what happens if I stop being positive.

Tomorrow (er...later today) I get to make what I guess is a very grown up call to a doctor and make a very grown up appointment. In a few days I get to sit in a grown up paper gown and fidget while I wait for the doctor. Then I get to wait, and wait some more for test results that tell me very grown up things.

At its best, this is a wake up call.
At its worst, I learn things I don't even want to talk about.

And for now I can soothe my nerves with a drink and a long shower and be grateful that I have health insurance.

Because it could be worse, right?

And because I don't know what happens if I start being regretful, I can realize the specific purpose of everything that happens. And will happen.

I want to start understanding that no way is the right way, and that karma may only go so far and some things are just beyond reasonable explanation.

...which logically will lead me to either believe in God, or believe that we might totally screwed.

Like I said, I have to be positive because I don't know what happens if I'm not.

The Maine Event

Dude. Awesome.

Maine is beautiful, such a trip.

For now all I will say is that I love the ocean, walking through a screen door is not a good idea, and that grilling fills you up the best.

I will treasure the memory of seeing the ocean first thing in the morning, of running around wild on the beach during a raging thunderstorm, and the eerie sensation of walking towards an ocean I could hear but not see in a mess of fog during low tide.

I love the ocean and all it's moods...pity its so salty. I grew up swimming in the Great Lakes so the salt is still strange to me.

Things That Must Be True and He Who Must Not Be Named

It is not a good idea to believe you could fall in love with someone based on their handwriting.

A relationship did not fall apart because we had a conversation about pooping.

The Harry Potter phenomenon this weekend was amazing.

You Said Turn Right at the...Gumby?

This evening I went to a concert by the New York Philharmonic on the Great Lawn in Central Park. It was free and it being summer and a cultural event, the New Yorkers (and many tourists) came in large picnicking packs. Liz texted me her location on the Great Lawn. The text said "Stage left behind the second row of speakers near the gumby." I was mystified. I arrived at the Lawn which was covered with people and blankets and creeped my way through the crowd as I mumbled "Gumby?!?!? Where on earth is Gumby?" Suddenly in the distance I saw an inflatable Gumby figurine swaying in the breeze. As I looked around I noticed all sorts of fantastical inflatable creatures along the temporary paths created by barriers in the park. I realized that the Gumby was part of a larger plan to create a bunch of recognizable landmarks - a whimsical practical solution to a common large scale event problem. Yes, someone could have printed out a bunch of letters and hung them all over the Lawn, but really isn't it more fun to say "Meet me by the purple unicorn," than "Meet me by the letter M"?

So my mood improved greatly after seeing all the creatures throughout the venue, I found Liz with minimal difficulty, ate my impromptu picnic, and enjoyed several classical music selections, pretty clouds, and fireworks with a few thousand neighbors.

The other three highlights of the evening:

1. Watching a group of women share their picnic with a clearly mystified young Eastern European male tourist.
2. Listening to people shush each other en masse, and listening to the guilty party quickly apologize.
3. Watching two escaped balloons sail up into the clouds and dissappear. Laying on my back in grass, listening to music, and staring at the sky were much appreciated small moments in my otherwise hectic day.