Because Being a Grown Up Means...

I have to be positive because I don't want to know what happens if I stop being positive.

Tomorrow (er...later today) I get to make what I guess is a very grown up call to a doctor and make a very grown up appointment. In a few days I get to sit in a grown up paper gown and fidget while I wait for the doctor. Then I get to wait, and wait some more for test results that tell me very grown up things.

At its best, this is a wake up call.
At its worst, I learn things I don't even want to talk about.

And for now I can soothe my nerves with a drink and a long shower and be grateful that I have health insurance.

Because it could be worse, right?

And because I don't know what happens if I start being regretful, I can realize the specific purpose of everything that happens. And will happen.

I want to start understanding that no way is the right way, and that karma may only go so far and some things are just beyond reasonable explanation.

...which logically will lead me to either believe in God, or believe that we might totally screwed.

Like I said, I have to be positive because I don't know what happens if I'm not.