Possibility might be the sexiest thing of all.

Yep. I really am moving on.

I kind of love my job. I kind of made some mistakes today, but people were still nice and no one freaked out.

Plus we get more opportunities to change the PLAYBILL.

I have talked to my ex boyfriend - you know the one that I think logically I am supposed to hate - for two days online. Weird. I think it's weird. I don't think I should be, but it's very easy and there is a whole friendship set of rules already established.

I need to deal with this weird man/boy situation I got myself in this weekend. It could go in many directions. Hmmmm much too soon to deal with actual dating. I think I need to eat pasta...that is the best solution. Definitely learned about situations I don't want to be in, and some that I would really like to be in again.

I wanted to buy a purse. I looked online. I found the purse I wanted. I really liked it. I went to the store where the purse is supposed to be. The purse wasn't there. Apparently the patterns get changed every month. I really really liked it. I don't think I can have it. It is sad.

An old school roller skating rink is closing soon in Brooklyn. I want to go and skate middle school style and hot damn, I want to wear an outfit. Historically accurate skating outfit of course.

PASTA.

Other job perks...

Reading scripts!

Other things...

Grey's Anatomy is addicting but emotionally makes you feel like poo. POO. And yet I still keep watching...

I've been trying to write some fiction short stuff, but it is definitely not for this blog.

I also was trying to write a bit of an essay about friendship and love but it got murky in a "what was my thesis in this essay way" so I let it go....This was a while ago and I just found it. Probably shouldn't have had a few glasses of wine and THEN tried to write.

I still have a growing list of screenplay ideas....someday friend.

I officially work on Broadway.

I started my new job today which was pretty great to tell the truth. I enjoy my fellow marketing associate - he is just the right mix of helpful, funny, and snarky sarcasm that makes the day go smoothly. And it was pleasant to realize that tons of people were coming by to meet me and that my bio had been circulating around already for a few days. There certainly is a difference between a nearly $30 million organization and a just over a million one. I'm getting excited about the things that I will get to be involved in.

Here is a short list:
ads
Playbills
photo shoots for ads and various press needs (read: famous people!)
videos
large scale advertising
press editing
copy editing
marketing material maitenance
special events
photographing new displays for new shows to document it
A bit art direction (woot!)

The good thing is that with three theaters I get to leave the office a lot. I also get to leave to go to the ad agency, the press agency, the display printers, etc. etc. BUT we have interns! I can ask them to get me lunch (I probably won't though...but I will ask them to make me copies!). I think they are only slightly younger than me, poor girls.

I've also learned about the "show downs" with the general management department. However what I know is that I am the QUEEN of department showdowns....not winning them necessarily, but getting through them...the nicer you are (nice but firm) the better. Anyways, I can photoshop and work illustrator at high speed which impressed many...thank you Parsons School of Design where that whole skill set started.

After work I then ran to the theatre I did props for to fix something and sadly accidently got superglue all over my hand which made me really uncomfortable, but most of it seems to be gone now. Eeeeeeeck. No fun there.

Now I make pasta and sit around the apartment in my superman underwear and a t shirt because I am the only one here through MONDAY. AWESOME. However sitting on a wicker chair with no real pants is a really stupid idea because now I'm afraid I'm going to have funny patterns on my legs for the rest of my life.

So yeah, I'm still going through stuff about boys. But the good news is, I took the initiative and asked someone I find attractive to go to a party with me...we'll see how it pans out or if he bails, but the text message I got was great. Anyways...I'm starting to move on I guess.

I've been listening to this song by Mika a lot that is about break ups/sad relationship things...the lyrics are sad but the melody is less so and it has a gospel choir in it, which is kind of great.

I like things that are kind of wonderful, beautiful and ridiculous all at once.

An amazing article.

About women in this war, and the effects on them

Click here for the NY Times Link

When child stars grow up hot-

Ok that kid from the sitcom Third Rock from the Sun grew up to be really really hot, an amazing indie film actor, and outspoken in interviews.

Hot. I have a new official crush. Google him...and more.

And then you realize at the end of the day you are still by yourself and you have a bruise on your butt.

St P's Day:

My ex-boyfriend's bro bought me a beer.
My crush called me.
My best friend walked several blocks to buy me pizza.
A perfect stranger bought me a guiness.
Several man-boys talked to me which motivated me to talk to other man boys instead.
I smooozhed with a cute irish waiter.
A new friend gave me champagne and bought me a beer.

So how come I can't be happy....actually it's just amazing I'm not totally hungover.

Besides the fact that I did wipe out on the icy sidewalk today/tonight the whole St. Patrick's Day turned out quite fun.

Emotions are not simple and that my friends, is why I am a mini mess. Also FYI don't watch the movie called "The Breakup". Bad news bears.

Sigh.

She might have a pretty face but I have paintbrushes

Things that make me feel unsettled:

Having my stuff in 12 million different places.
Awkwardness with old friends.
Too many phone calls to return.
The crazy weather.
Opening night parties where I am off my game.
Meeting people but not knowing how to turn a meeting into a friendship.
Watching random hook-ups happen and knowing I'm uncomfortable with the idea of one night stands.
Watching random hook-ups happen and not understanding why I'm so uncomfortable with the idea.

Sleepy and Covered in Paint

As much I am enjoying doing production work again, props is backbreaking work. I like the challenge of it and the satisfaction of finding/building the right items, but it is difficult. Especially since the cast is full of attractive boys (they are all boys- sometimes it feels like being in a locker room) and I would like to get my feet wet in that whole dating/flirting thing, but I walk around covered in paint and holding a conceptual deer carcus prop. Sigh. But those boys are pretty to look at and I have 2 upcoming opportunities to look pretty and smile at a non-opening night performance and a birthday party.

I am looking forward to beginning my new job if only for the financial security. Thank goodness I had savings coming back from London and my credit card charges don't really start until late this year. Otherwise I would have had to be temping like crazy for the past few weeks instead of doing props and hanging out which was much more beneficial for my brain.

While at a rehearsal I had some time with my laptop but no internet so I tried to be productive by moving all pictures of the boy to a folder so I wouldn't come across them accidently. I showed a picture of the ex to someone who never met the boy that I became friends with recently and she commented "No offense, but you should be with someone more attractive". It wasn't solicited and probably was strategic - my first instinct was to defend the boy but then I thought "Eh...I can be now perhaps." A sign of healing or angst, it doesn't really matter. I did realize that now I am able to realize and conciously admit that I don't like balding younger men. It's nothing I hold against them and I think they can be attractive, but it makes things more difficult. I think the shaved shiny head thing works well on black men, but less so on other ethnicities. I spent a great deal of time the last few months...jesus...years either telling someone that being bald didn't matter, that I thought bald could be attractive, and spending time trying to look at balding younger men and trying to find them attractive. A great deal of work in a way for not necessarily a huge return. It's different if you are teaching someone to dress better because then there is steady upwards motion. Baldness is really hard. I can't imagine how it makes the balding person feel...it's too bad there is a stigma - maybe I am just pretending there is a stigma when there really isn't to make myself feel better. Oh well, I'll just try to date someone with prominent hair I guess. Like George Clooney. Riiiight,

Oh man it's late. Must sleep. This is the first time I've gotten into some of my anger/feelings/complaints about the demise of my recent relationship. I'm curious what that means in terms of psychology and other head-y disciplines.

A shout out to Omar and Trevor

...the nice stock boys at Whole Foods that helped me get better fruit crates for props. I made friends with them by lurking around the produce section for two days in a row waiting for them to unpack pears.

Thanks dudes. Way to support the arts.

Are You a Masochist or an Optimist?

I've been on this kick lately that all artists are optimists...we all keep plugging along hoping that some project will give us that satisfaction we once felt...

I also laugh because I am grouping myself in with artists - many people that have known me for years think it is a natural classification, but I do consider PRACTICING art a real qualification of being one...I've been doing that arts management thing for a while now.

I started this endeavor showing photos of Liz/Beth to Michelle, but really it was just about me reminiscing about other times. I was looking at the pictures from the summer I worked at Jacob's Pillow and I can't believe how wonderfully all those interns bonded. I think I am really going to make an effort to get there this summer and make a stop at Williamstowm as well- the only other summer festival I've considered of late.

Looking at my photos I realize how many picture perfect moments I've had. Thank goodness, it's been a good ride! It's funny to realize how many of these moments happened without that guy I dated for three years.
I raise my glass to the following events:

Drama School Graduation
Jacob's Pillow Gala
Jacob's Pillow Intern Spoof
That one time we went to the lake in Becket and then nobody was wearing clothes
Abby and Andrea drive Across Michigan to escape the Blackout
Torino, the Cultural Trip, Positano, Nice, Greece
Leagues
Morocco
4.48 Psychosis
Getting to live in the crazy house sophomore year
The White Stripes Concert where Meg a White Stripe got me in

One million other little moments.

New York. You, me and 5,000 friends...

There are people who have never had a perfect romantic moment...I've had at least two with different people. And I love both of them dearly...the moments not the people.

Smiles and looking towards the future,

.

Drinks and Tassels...

I officially went to my first burlesque show, which is probably a good trainer for the day when I actually step into a strip club...oy vey. I had a good time, a little overwhelming in that I saw more breasts than I have in a while and so many tassels...but it didn't bother me...was it bad that I was thinking second job as a burlesque dancer. I was pretty happy about the fact that I knew more people at the party than expected- I was afraid it would be nervewracking.

On a frustrating note I have to find more props again. It is hard to find very specific items on a small budget. BUT I do enjoy the fringe benefits such as the experience of seeing some good acting and people that seem very happy to tell the story of "As You Like It" and my crush on both one of the actors and the sound designer...it's jus tnice to be able to have crushes again.

One Hand Smells Like Tea and One is Blue...

I was trying to dye/stain fake money so it looked less American for this show I am doing props for, but as you can see from this blog post title, things may have gone awry.

I have officially accepted a job. I tried to negotiate more salary and I did, but not as much as I had hoped, however I am making much more money than I ever did before AND I will be sitting pretty with all my expenses. Now I just have to do my taxes and I can sit pretty after I get that whole apartment thing figured out. Please please if you know me, picture me perched on a couch in the Queens Salvation Army surrounded by fake flowers and crocheted blankets and a wood crate frantically doing math in my planner as I negotiate salary with HR at Manhattan Theater Club. Yes, yes, this is my life - I am starting to be convinced that I handle a lot of crazy situations with a little grace (of course it helps when you are comfortable with looking silly in public to get the job done - if you can't handle that, you be screwed.)

I played anthropologist today as I watched the mating rituals of the Brooklyn adolescent on the subway. I learned that the best way to hit on a lady when you are sixteen is to yell at her and ask her where she goes to school and what grade she is in. If she is a freshman, you'd best watch your step. The whole episode was pretty funny - I would have been a bit taken aback I feel at fourteen to sixteen but these girls were giving as good as they got. The first step is the yelling and establishing of basic facts, then if the adolescents like each other at this point they sit by each other BUT ONLY in groups. Tomorrow I will document the commuting rituals of the asian post forty crew....

A Job and two apple crates?!?!

The Universe does love me and will take care of you!

Well kids, I have a job...well actually I have a job offer, which is great and then I get to feel all grown up. The great thing was that I had a horrible job interview today and was feeling kind of poopy during the interview...let me elaborate.

I go to an interview at Columbia Artists Management International to be a booking agent. As I am talking to the lady, it becomes painfully clear that I do NOT know anything about being a booking agent..especially a booking agent for mainly classical musical artists. The lady says "I didn't actually see anything on your resume that suggests you are capable of this job, but I liked your cover letter so I was hoping you would tell me something that is not listed here that would convince me." WHAT?!?! Anyways, it shows I write a mean cover letter. We then talked about my options in the city, which was strange because I felt like she was saying "Buck up little tomato, you'll find a job soon." I had already listened to a voicemail from my job offer which is a big theater complex in the city that deals with new work and famous people...so I wasn't really too pissed.

But seriously..that interview was a waste of everyones' time.

Then I went to rehearsal which was satisfying on a few levels: seeing actors do their thing, remembering why Shakespeare is just so darn pretty, seeing my friend Dan wearing a silly eye gel mask (made my day), and a little harmless flirting.

The best part was when I walked out of the rehearsal and saw...drum roll please...two wood crates...exactly the missing prop I needed. New York at times can be a giant wonderful playground. However, today it's balls cold and no one wanted to play outside.

Stage 4.3 of Grief.

Oh My Liver. Thanks Dave and Mike P. Oy Vey.

Excuse me but do you have any early 20th century luggage?

Shopping for props I have learned the following:

Old luggage is hard to find.

The Salvation Army in Queens is good but closed on Sundays.

Those old school flat suckers the doctor used to give you are hard to find.

K-Mart sells hankerchiefs.

If you carry around a picnic basket in Bed-Sty someone may say "Aw shorty, your date stand you up for a picnic?" and you say "Uh...It's a prop for a show. I don't like picnics." which elicits essentially no response.

Fake gun laws in NY are really really strict.

You can consistently buy antlers on E-Bay and waste several hours doing so. This is the second show I've had to find antlers for.

My life in a series of quotes....

"I mean I met this one hipster kid, but he made chandeliers for fun and he got real excited about the fact I buy beads....so he wasn't really pretentious."

"Why don't you like mussels?" "Because they taste like the SEA!"

"It feels like a warm baby bird." "Well if you start eating baby birds, don't tell me."

"So do you like watching movies...because I do!"

"The film was shooting in this abandoned factory in Jersey..."

"I had this dream last night that I made you really mad....are we ok?" "Yeah we haven't talked in two days, we're cool."

"You may have a published play, but you still have a hole in your pants."

"I said I want to work in advertising because its neat." "I'm going to assume that is the Cliff Notes and you didn't really say that."

'These things come from somewhere...it's not like you woke up one morning and said "Today I will exert emotional pressure on him" and then ate a bowl of cereal."