Sleepy and Covered in Paint

As much I am enjoying doing production work again, props is backbreaking work. I like the challenge of it and the satisfaction of finding/building the right items, but it is difficult. Especially since the cast is full of attractive boys (they are all boys- sometimes it feels like being in a locker room) and I would like to get my feet wet in that whole dating/flirting thing, but I walk around covered in paint and holding a conceptual deer carcus prop. Sigh. But those boys are pretty to look at and I have 2 upcoming opportunities to look pretty and smile at a non-opening night performance and a birthday party.

I am looking forward to beginning my new job if only for the financial security. Thank goodness I had savings coming back from London and my credit card charges don't really start until late this year. Otherwise I would have had to be temping like crazy for the past few weeks instead of doing props and hanging out which was much more beneficial for my brain.

While at a rehearsal I had some time with my laptop but no internet so I tried to be productive by moving all pictures of the boy to a folder so I wouldn't come across them accidently. I showed a picture of the ex to someone who never met the boy that I became friends with recently and she commented "No offense, but you should be with someone more attractive". It wasn't solicited and probably was strategic - my first instinct was to defend the boy but then I thought "Eh...I can be now perhaps." A sign of healing or angst, it doesn't really matter. I did realize that now I am able to realize and conciously admit that I don't like balding younger men. It's nothing I hold against them and I think they can be attractive, but it makes things more difficult. I think the shaved shiny head thing works well on black men, but less so on other ethnicities. I spent a great deal of time the last few months...jesus...years either telling someone that being bald didn't matter, that I thought bald could be attractive, and spending time trying to look at balding younger men and trying to find them attractive. A great deal of work in a way for not necessarily a huge return. It's different if you are teaching someone to dress better because then there is steady upwards motion. Baldness is really hard. I can't imagine how it makes the balding person feel...it's too bad there is a stigma - maybe I am just pretending there is a stigma when there really isn't to make myself feel better. Oh well, I'll just try to date someone with prominent hair I guess. Like George Clooney. Riiiight,

Oh man it's late. Must sleep. This is the first time I've gotten into some of my anger/feelings/complaints about the demise of my recent relationship. I'm curious what that means in terms of psychology and other head-y disciplines.