Message from God...and Phillip Morris

This is the post where I talk about God. Actually no not God, because I'm kind of a big ball of believing in a mix of fate, luck, coincidence, divine providence, and a little bit of comedy.

So really it's just a couple things...

When cigarettes fall mysteriously from the sky is a divine presence telling me to take up smoking?

And as other things fall neatly into place (jobs opening up, friends going on long trips and giving me free rent) is it healthier to believe that I am meant to be in NYC right now....

Or should I keep skimming those books at Barnes and Noble about relationships that are vague in a way because I feel like anyone would read them and then question their ability to be a functional person....

Dude, I swear I just went to the bookstore to pee.

I choose option A - meant to be here, especially because I'm having a lot of fun.

Hi My name is .... and I'm a ...

Last night I went to the Grey Goose Vodka Party my friend did the lighting design for and it was kind of amazing... I'm pretty thrilled anytime there is free food, but by the time I was on my 3rd fancy drink and eating tiramisu out of little square containers, I was a big supporter. Liz came too as did Christina's brother and he and I learned we have the same birthday - a little crazy I do say.

The party was in the building that used to hold De La Guarda. I saw their NY show years ago the first time I lived here so I took a little time to reflect and then just enjoyed all the restauranteurs and the fancy clothes as well as the giant murals made of pears. I did run into someone I know - a guy who was an actor at a theater festival in '01 when I was basically a lowly intern. I was a guest at the party and he was a waiter - someone said that must feel pretty good, but it doesn't really. What can you do but just keep eating the free lobster puffs. Then I woke up at six this morning because I thought it was raining and then realized I'd only been asleep for about 4 real hours. Argh. This is why I stick to beer and wine.

So I went to a party a few days ago where I felt pretty awkward for a while, but then it was ok. I was proud of myself for making the effort to talk to people I didn't know. I've definitely learned to not go into any kind of social party/situation expecting anything specific because it is never what you think it is.

Parties always bring up the age old question "What do you DO?" and since I don't really know, that's a hard question.

Honestly I feel like talking about things I like or reactions I have to things would be more accurate than "arts administrator" or "theater artist" - really it should be more like this:

Likes snow falling when the snow is still clean
Hates really loud noises unexpectedly
Likes dipping graham crackers in milk
A reader
Ability to live in really weird living situations without much issue (ie current nomad status)
Likes it when New Yorkers do nice things like help old ladies cross the street (I've seen this 3 TIMES with the snow!!!)


Anyways, I have a little theater job and an interview for a part time well paying fundraising job.

Game on.

A Paper Shiv Will Do No Harm

There was a play in the Neo Futurists show last night called Ineffective Fighting Moves or something like that.

Ok so me and the internet were in a fight, but I surrendered and now I have a T Mobile HotSpot Account.

I watched Michelle and Liz take the giantest pile of laundry ever to the 'Mat as in Laundromat. Through no fault of their own (or mine- I wasn't there), the sheets, bath mat, and other things were vomited on. I was afraid I missed a really good staying at home apartment night but now I am just glad I got out of there alive last night.

The best advice I've gotten lately is to spin everything for the positive, because even if it is isn't true, it will only help.

I had a really good brunch with friends. The Popover Cafe might be one of my favorite breakfast places.

I'm applying for jobs now...I need a job, not for money but because I need to feel productive and like I am contributing....I actually do need the money, but not immediately.

Remember this relationship advice from Liz: If someone doesn't want to recycle, that might be the first sign that something will go awry later....

Magic and Miracles.

I believe they do happen, and not just on TV.

I need someone who can believe in this too.

Astronaut Love Triangle Wins Best Team Name!

A list in no particular order of things that make me happy today:

1. Pub Quizzes
2. How perfect strangers can be really helpful when you need to find a T-Mobile Store
3. Cleaning a house, if it is with one of your best friends, is really fun.
4. Crepes
5. Trying on dresses

I sent some angry emails, but I feel a lot better now because I've finally said everything I need to say to the ex. I think it is impossible to break up and be friends right away, but with time who knows....although I think this situation might be extra hard given the circumstances.

I feel it is important to say what you need to say in these situations...the only person you have to live with is yourself in the end. And now I feel I can.

Now that the phone mystery is solved, I can finally get on with my life and apply for jobs...the list is endless which is a really good thing.

Here is a stupid pet peeve I have....if you are using a photo someone else took, credit them when appropriate.

Ok gotta read the papers, current events are important especially when it comes to pub quizzes.

Argh.

There really isn't a good way to express this but ARGH. Before I left for London, this guy I used to work with at my 2nd job wanted to be friends. Now friends are good....but the problem is, I don't think he wanted to just be friends and I felt really awkward around him pretty much 100% of the time. But I was moving to London, so it was ok.

Problem: My bad luck.

Who do I run into at a Barnes and Noble at 9:30 on a Tuesday? You got it kids! Yep. So now what do I do? I've already been invited for coffee, via email. Sigh.

I've been really angry yesterday and I think today (it's early, I hope things could change) about this whole London/breakup thing. I think the spike of anger is due to getting over the "shock" of being back in NY part, but also due to the fact that I still don't have my cell phone and although I could just get a new one there is an activated cell phone floating through the magical paths of the US Postal Service and getting a new one is overkill. But the phone is holding me back from the very important socializing and also job-finding next steps.

I saw a People Magazine with the title "Astronaut Love Triangle" which struck me as a good name for a band.

By the way, I hate how Facebook can be used as a weapon. You know what people are going to read - you know that people are procrastinators and will therefore read stupid little things.

On a happy note, thus far seeing events/plays/shows/etc. has been very fruitful. I saw a free theater presentation last night that involved disabled actors. It was very low key because it was in an NYU conference room, but there was lots of free food and wine which canceled out any feelings of resentment I had for the post show discussion.

Tonight I might see a concert.

The Sex Lives of Cannibals

This is a title of a book that I reread parts of yesterday. I had read it about 2 years ago while waiting for a delayed Greyhound Bus in Pittsburgh. A tip: This is not a good book to read if you do not want anyone to talk to you... but it's ridiculously funny. The book was on Liz and Michelle's shelf which just adds another reason to the list why I like them.

I actually googled the author because I was curious what he looked like. He doesn't look at all like what I thought he would, which is good because I was afraid I might him attractive that would just be weird. I've given this book to two people as gifts - once to my brother who enjoyed it, and once to my ex-boyfriend who never read it and then gave it to his sister.

The book chronicles two years a couple spent on a remote Pacific Island and I highly recommend it.

I like books about travel...I know that the humorous travel memoir is a bit overdone, but I enjoy books of this nature.

I'm going to move onto the classics soon...there is a lot of Proust in this apartment but most of it is in French...hmmmmm.

Just a note, if you do like books about travel, especially narratives where people find out things and then talk about it in a funny observational way, try the following:

Honeymoon with My Brother
Travels with Alice
River Town
Holy Cow: An Indian Adventure

I'm sure there are others I could recommend but I have stuff to do.

I'm still trying to figure out what happened to my phone, working on bank details, have to get my computer from a friend, and need to walk to get rid of some angry.

My brother quotes Morissey in tense situations...

My mom and I talked on the phone for a while during which she expressed relief and gladness that my brother and I talk to each other when the parents are not there. Yes, yes we do - we talk about the parents! My brother and I long ago managed to create a shorthand way of communicating: a mix of childhood references and pop culture and the the expression of love etc. through the giving of strange but very appropriate presents. Two examples:

1. The summer I taped Silver Spoons everyday and gave the VHS tapes to him at Christmas because it was his favorite show.

2. The time my brother found out there was mint Yoohoo and decided to buy me the YooHoo because I like mint and also bought about 20 other drinks and set them up on the table for me to have an official taste test.

Last night I had dinner with some people from grad school and some of their friends. Essentially everyone was an arts administrator. There was a great deal of "shop talk" and then the passing of business cards. These are people who really want to be arts administrators, who name drop and talk about how rebranding is overrated. I never saw me getting an arts administration degree as the be-all end-all of anything. I view my degree as a way to have some skills and do other things besides theater.

Then I took my debit card receipt and wrote business dinner on it. I'm gonna deduct that shit. My friends were mystified by the concept of quarterly filing for freelancers.

There was also much talk about flu shots. I felt like I was forty but it was nice to see these people.

Liz and Michelle's apartment has been labeled with Spanish stickers....I know when I use a cup now I am using "la taza" and "la affrombre" is outside my room and you are supposed to wipe your feet on it (it's a rug fools!). I helped label and learning is fun.

Sour Cream Smells Like Bad News She Said

I saw a girl in yellow plastic boots passed out in a car racing video game booth. The bouncer carried her out, an ambulance came, there was some vomiting, a glass bottle was thrown, then she disappeared.

I hope she was ok. What did she think tonight when she put on her yellow plastic boots - "Tonight will be fun" - did she think the racing video car game was her own car and she was going home? I never want to be in that kind of situation, but I can't help but think maybe she thought "I'm just going to have a really fun night" and it went belly up.

I watched crazy music videos in French today by an artist named Anais (there should be that little double dot thing over the "I" in her name, but I don't know how to do that). I'm living in a house with a 501 French verb book and two fluent French speakers. I think is time to learn for reals this time.

I got another "you can live with us" offer for a very cheap place in Harlem... people are really nice. And a lead on a place in Astoria...real estate moves fast, my friends move faster.

Due to debris at 77th Street the 4/5/6 all but shut down. It took me way too long to get anywhere last night. I desperately need my phone. A phone...a smoke signal...some way to contact people.

I know two people taking Arabic for fun! I know someone who spent a Saturday morning playing rugby with little kids. I met someone from Carnegie Mellon who recognized me from working at the Art Store at a show. I also walked into a writer's group meeting at the KGB Bar (they are not communists there even though they sell Russian beer and have the Communist Flag- the bartender thought I seemed over concerned so I told him about my Communist Party T-shirt). I talked to someone who works in medicine and writes for fun because he was intrigued by the fact I didn't have a cell phone and was trying to use a broken pay phone.

I think the point I'm trying to make is that New York is kind of wonderful in its mixed up own way.

In the words of Dave, you haven't lived until someone has fucked you over.

I've decided that feelings are too complicated. I'm trying to figure how anger, regret, joy, and somehow feelings for another man all can mix up together in any sort of functional fashion.

Dear Dave and Mike P.,

Thank you for the beers and the probably not idle violent threats against a certain boy.

Go Texas.

Love,

Andrea

I got all my bank details for London in the mail....I have two cards with two different account numbers and I'm not sure what that means.

I also found out one of my friends is possibly in a pyramid scheme selling some sort of juice....

I can only ask...how did we all get here?

I don't want to be sad about someone that didn't let me be me. I also don't feel ready to deal with any kind of romantic inklings towards other people.
It's almost 6 am and I am still awake.

Peace kids, I'm pretty freakin' tired.

I buy special edition sneakers.

I bought a pair of ridiculously high priced converse on sale. I stand by my Jack Purcells.

Someday if you really want to know about my sneaker obsession ask me about Pro Keds circa 2001 - 2003. If you like shoes like I do then you will know what I say when I refer to the brightly colored Keds with the different colors on the toe. They were pretty popular in Japan and sometimes you can find a pair on Ebay though never in my size.

Pro Keds has now been sold to Roca Wear so the entire look of the division has changed.

Regular Keds (which I never liked until one or two styles until last year) has changed its image with the whole Mischa Barton invasion.

Anyways, I finally found a pair of pants. Yes, I am obsessed with clothes, just not in the way you think...it's all about details. FYI, if you ever want to buy me a present just head to Anthropologie - I am considering getting a job there specifically for a discount....or maybe just befriending one of the shop girls.

Shopping is very useful at times, but not when you are trying to get into the MAC cosmetics store and 2 out of 3 doors are locked and the salesperson thinks that it is fun to mess with over this fact. My compact was dropped last night and shattered in the chaos at the Neo Futurists show so I bought a new one. All of this shopping was done on about 3 hours of sleep.

Tomorrow I will redeem myself with a post about 365 days of theater, why I love the Public Theater in NYC, and generally a review of the cabaret I saw. And a story about the shortest stupidest cab ride I ever took and why I like Bed Sty. And a little piece about Communists, Writer's Clubs at the KGB bar, and why broken pay phones help you make friends.

I think a pack of wild dogs may have gotten into the trash between 12th and 16th Street around 5th Avenue.

To the TORTIES!

Having been at the Galapagos Art Space last night in Williamsburg, it seemed only appropriate to toast the tortoises (as in the Galapagos Tortoise) which became the war cry of "to the TORTI" because who doesn't like a little innocent creative plural making.

I also enjoyed the moments of "Look at that dude....Look at all his HAIR!" and I began to judge every boy/man in the bar only based on their hair. There is a lot of creative hair on mans in Williamsburg.

http://www.jezebelmusic.com <--- If you live in NY or sometimes like to visit check out this website. They have neat stuff. I am officially a fan of both their bands and their venue spaces.

When I got home I sat and stuffed my face with more free catered sandwiches...it was awesome.

Things I Need to Do
1. Figure out who has my "Cheap Bastard's Guide to New York" because I need it back.
2. HAIRCUT - like it's my job
3. I either need to buy another pair of pants or do laundry....my head says do laundry.....my gut says buy some pants.
4. Finally start that band. I figure I need to do about 3 performances to really get it out of my system.

I am glad my friends let me rant and then yell "play some tuuuuunes".

Bars in Brooklyn, Good Times on Tap

Recovery 101.

I went to a free show with several bands, one of which is the Lisps and they are quite enjoyable! Basically seeing all these bands made me think that having a band wouldn't be so hard and the experience encouraged me to write...so it was a good time.

I scoped out the Williamsburg stock of men and realized for the first time in a while, I can do whatever I want. I had a wonderful time speaking with Liz and Michelle and friend Kate (Cate?!?). There are plans for a brunch which will include others....

The great thing about NY is that every night has the potential to be an adventure. This one was low key but it felt good. I'm very much looking foward to a theater festival this summer of some sort....and if all the boys in NY look like the Williamsburg crew then I am in for some fun.

I now have a new found respect for the tambourine and a little bit of a crush on the drummer of the Lisps. And cheers to fun bartenders too.

If this is my new life, bring it on....I ate catered food from Michelle's work for dinner and post drunk snack...awesome.

I heart my options. They are great.

Holding Court in Union Square

I spent the afternoon of my first day back dodging the snowfall and leaping the snowdrifts and then proceeded to look at jobs for a few hours in the Union Square Barnes and Noble.

Essentially I ended up holding court there whilst my friends came through one by one.... a few emails were sent because people asked what country I was in and soon enough people to have a sports team came over to kick it in the cafe.

I never did apply for jobs although there are many because I'm waiting for my phone in the post. Moms is on it and already sent it to my new home. My cup overfloweth in fact with options...

I'm sleeping on an air mattress again but this one was purchased for my arrival and set up quietly for a surprise by some of the best people I know in NY - the kind and caring Liz and Mikki, my own Statues of Liberty welcoming me back.

I've already run into a friend unexpectedly. It was a bit awkward as I was returning unshowered and dirtball to Brooklyn with the morning commute. She expected me to be in London, and I replied that I too had expected to be there as well. With a hug and some well executed verbal barbs towards the other side of the ocean, she said that she was ecstatic to see me again.

Modern Medical Marvel

I recently read an article about the physical effects of loss and breakups. You can actually have physical symptoms that are the same as a cold or flu or any other kind of illness. This does not make me feel good. It's snowing here...I can get ill on my own without psychosematic additions.

I wonder what kind of crazy electronic jumps my synapses are making to help me get through this. I've been aware of a few sad thoughts but mostly everything has been ok- not to belittle the seriousness of the situation I was in only a few days ago- but so far life just feels like the whole Don/London incident was some sort of cosmic blip and now I get to find something (and someone...heh heh) to do that I actually like.

There have been moments of anger...an urge to poke a certain boy with sharp point sticks not unlike the sad Piggy moment in Lord of the Flies, and an unfortunate addition of that boy's email to a list for free gay porn. But both the vision of the pokey sticks and the mailing list created brief but unfufilling satisfaction.

Christina reminded me that grief has 5 steps not 12....but then we weren't really sure what the five steps were...ok it was cold and we wanted grilled cheese.

Tomorrow I get free dinner and free theater. Yesterday an invite to the Grey Goose Vodka Launch Party. Tonight free concert in Brooklyn.

New York has possibilities...

The Dance Cosa Nostra, or Jacob's Pillow Interns 2005

While in London, I needed a new place to stay and I called my friend Nina who lives in Finland but has many friends in various European places. She was snowboarding at the time time, but said that she would get back to me. Six hours later I had a name, an address, and a phone number.

Yes, being tapped into 3 rather powerful gossip/communication networks means that your news travels faster than a plane across the ocean, but it also means that you are never far from help when you need it. I guess a 15 week internship that squishes 30 young people together for 50 hours a week creates some unbreakable bonds - I still can't believe the number of friends I have from that summer.

The value of friendship is immeasurable.