I'm currently sitting amongst the detritus in my room of the last week or so of my life. As I look around I can see the dress I wore to opening night, a shoebox filled with shoes that don't fit and need to go away, bits and pieces of Boston, books, pens - frankly, this room is mess. My bed has become the island in the ocean of clutter.
Life has been strange - I think that life is always strange, so maybe it is just in it's normal state - a kind of rather interesting, manageable chaos. I think that going to Boston this past weekend was a good choice to clear my head and just not think for a minute. For the first time in a while, I let myself not think about work. I did however read performance reports and will go into work an hour early to deal with Playbill tomorrow. But for the moment, the storm is quiet.
I think that the last week or so has also reminded me that plans and self-imposed rules don't usually work out. In the midst of supposedly being "on hiatus" from the opposite sex, I have gotten myself into what could loosely be described as a "situation". I guess the only thing you can do when you suddenly find yourself in a "situation" is to be cautious and don't talk about it.
From a romance standpoint, I suppose that sounds extremely cynical and not very optimistic. On the contrary, I think it is an indication of learning from the past on my part. When you meet someone, and there is some sort of chemistry (ie. you end up talking to them from another city on the phone at 2 am), AND it's unexpected, you need time to figure it out before your 12,000 friends overanalyze the situation.
Before that happens you have to figure out things like (and this is purposely strung together because it is mainly for my entertainment): will this person understand idiosyncrasies be willing to travel understand i don't have all the answers realize that just because i have guy friends i'm not secretly in love with them look the way i want them to without a shirt have a sense of humor when it comes to awkward situations will like baseball game food and know that i always travel with a book be a little obsessed with pop culture like to read will let me spend an hour wandering understand alone time be obsessed with brushing teeth not have scary body hair will be ok with the fact that i am obsessed with clothes but won't let it trickle into other parts of life won't present themselves as one person when they actually someone else realize the fine line between sticking out and fitting in will be willing to talk it out won't expect me to know how to cook everything because i am girl.
I'm basically procrastinating at this point and should be doing many things. Peace out for now. As per usual, I have more to say and didn't write yesterday when the ideas came, so instead this watered down version of my thoughts will have to suffice.
Monday, October 8, 2007
Sunday, September 30, 2007
Multitasking is the Devil.
In an attempt to be efficient and make my lunch for tomorrow while blowdrying my hair, I was only able to set off the fire alarm by burning a quesidilla.
Oh well. I have brown hair again - bye bye blond bits. Also, the Housing Works Book Fair was yesterday and I missed it - I was there last year - basically I just had the realization that I am in the same city I was a year ago, albeit with a new job, new home, new goals, new friends, and frankly a much better situation.
Ok! Off to the bar to watch the Steelers then to a short film festival, then to a night cap event for work....you know, no outfit really covers all three events in the perfect way.
Oh well. I have brown hair again - bye bye blond bits. Also, the Housing Works Book Fair was yesterday and I missed it - I was there last year - basically I just had the realization that I am in the same city I was a year ago, albeit with a new job, new home, new goals, new friends, and frankly a much better situation.
Ok! Off to the bar to watch the Steelers then to a short film festival, then to a night cap event for work....you know, no outfit really covers all three events in the perfect way.
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Out of the Woods.
I can breathe again and concentrate on other things. I haven't written in this blog in nearly two months with good reason. Somethings aren't meant for public consumption and somethings have to be figured out/dealt with/experienced privately.
So yes, it's over. And that blog reader, is all you get to know. It's good that it is over.
A short list of life backwards:
Barack (as in Obama) on Broadway
Broadway Flea Market
What is this thing called quasi dating?
Grand Buffet/that night I cried in the street and then ate tater tots
Two break ups, luckily not mine
Baseball Fever
Hip hop dance class
Sucking it up and writing a work related apology email
Interns and learning what that is about
Zoo-tastic at the WTF
Jacob's Pillow, Car breaks down, Willamstown, Car still breaks down.
So yes, it's over. And that blog reader, is all you get to know. It's good that it is over.
A short list of life backwards:
Barack (as in Obama) on Broadway
Broadway Flea Market
What is this thing called quasi dating?
Grand Buffet/that night I cried in the street and then ate tater tots
Two break ups, luckily not mine
Baseball Fever
Hip hop dance class
Sucking it up and writing a work related apology email
Interns and learning what that is about
Zoo-tastic at the WTF
Jacob's Pillow, Car breaks down, Willamstown, Car still breaks down.
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Because Being a Grown Up Means...
I have to be positive because I don't want to know what happens if I stop being positive.
Tomorrow (er...later today) I get to make what I guess is a very grown up call to a doctor and make a very grown up appointment. In a few days I get to sit in a grown up paper gown and fidget while I wait for the doctor. Then I get to wait, and wait some more for test results that tell me very grown up things.
At its best, this is a wake up call.
At its worst, I learn things I don't even want to talk about.
And for now I can soothe my nerves with a drink and a long shower and be grateful that I have health insurance.
Because it could be worse, right?
And because I don't know what happens if I start being regretful, I can realize the specific purpose of everything that happens. And will happen.
I want to start understanding that no way is the right way, and that karma may only go so far and some things are just beyond reasonable explanation.
...which logically will lead me to either believe in God, or believe that we might totally screwed.
Like I said, I have to be positive because I don't know what happens if I'm not.
Tomorrow (er...later today) I get to make what I guess is a very grown up call to a doctor and make a very grown up appointment. In a few days I get to sit in a grown up paper gown and fidget while I wait for the doctor. Then I get to wait, and wait some more for test results that tell me very grown up things.
At its best, this is a wake up call.
At its worst, I learn things I don't even want to talk about.
And for now I can soothe my nerves with a drink and a long shower and be grateful that I have health insurance.
Because it could be worse, right?
And because I don't know what happens if I start being regretful, I can realize the specific purpose of everything that happens. And will happen.
I want to start understanding that no way is the right way, and that karma may only go so far and some things are just beyond reasonable explanation.
...which logically will lead me to either believe in God, or believe that we might totally screwed.
Like I said, I have to be positive because I don't know what happens if I'm not.
Sunday, July 29, 2007
The Maine Event
Dude. Awesome.
Maine is beautiful, such a trip.
For now all I will say is that I love the ocean, walking through a screen door is not a good idea, and that grilling fills you up the best.
I will treasure the memory of seeing the ocean first thing in the morning, of running around wild on the beach during a raging thunderstorm, and the eerie sensation of walking towards an ocean I could hear but not see in a mess of fog during low tide.
I love the ocean and all it's moods...pity its so salty. I grew up swimming in the Great Lakes so the salt is still strange to me.
Maine is beautiful, such a trip.
For now all I will say is that I love the ocean, walking through a screen door is not a good idea, and that grilling fills you up the best.
I will treasure the memory of seeing the ocean first thing in the morning, of running around wild on the beach during a raging thunderstorm, and the eerie sensation of walking towards an ocean I could hear but not see in a mess of fog during low tide.
I love the ocean and all it's moods...pity its so salty. I grew up swimming in the Great Lakes so the salt is still strange to me.
Monday, July 23, 2007
Things That Must Be True and He Who Must Not Be Named
It is not a good idea to believe you could fall in love with someone based on their handwriting.
A relationship did not fall apart because we had a conversation about pooping.
The Harry Potter phenomenon this weekend was amazing.
A relationship did not fall apart because we had a conversation about pooping.
The Harry Potter phenomenon this weekend was amazing.
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
You Said Turn Right at the...Gumby?
This evening I went to a concert by the New York Philharmonic on the Great Lawn in Central Park. It was free and it being summer and a cultural event, the New Yorkers (and many tourists) came in large picnicking packs. Liz texted me her location on the Great Lawn. The text said "Stage left behind the second row of speakers near the gumby." I was mystified. I arrived at the Lawn which was covered with people and blankets and creeped my way through the crowd as I mumbled "Gumby?!?!? Where on earth is Gumby?" Suddenly in the distance I saw an inflatable Gumby figurine swaying in the breeze. As I looked around I noticed all sorts of fantastical inflatable creatures along the temporary paths created by barriers in the park. I realized that the Gumby was part of a larger plan to create a bunch of recognizable landmarks - a whimsical practical solution to a common large scale event problem. Yes, someone could have printed out a bunch of letters and hung them all over the Lawn, but really isn't it more fun to say "Meet me by the purple unicorn," than "Meet me by the letter M"?
So my mood improved greatly after seeing all the creatures throughout the venue, I found Liz with minimal difficulty, ate my impromptu picnic, and enjoyed several classical music selections, pretty clouds, and fireworks with a few thousand neighbors.
The other three highlights of the evening:
1. Watching a group of women share their picnic with a clearly mystified young Eastern European male tourist.
2. Listening to people shush each other en masse, and listening to the guilty party quickly apologize.
3. Watching two escaped balloons sail up into the clouds and dissappear. Laying on my back in grass, listening to music, and staring at the sky were much appreciated small moments in my otherwise hectic day.
So my mood improved greatly after seeing all the creatures throughout the venue, I found Liz with minimal difficulty, ate my impromptu picnic, and enjoyed several classical music selections, pretty clouds, and fireworks with a few thousand neighbors.
The other three highlights of the evening:
1. Watching a group of women share their picnic with a clearly mystified young Eastern European male tourist.
2. Listening to people shush each other en masse, and listening to the guilty party quickly apologize.
3. Watching two escaped balloons sail up into the clouds and dissappear. Laying on my back in grass, listening to music, and staring at the sky were much appreciated small moments in my otherwise hectic day.
Friday, July 13, 2007
What I Like
I've become OBSESSED with this website where people post products they like and their opinions called thisnext.com.
Apparently I have very expensive taste. I've been searching for a offbeat table for my room. Sadly, my budget is more Craigslist than upscale LA or London designers, but it is amazing how much joy I get from knowing such beautiful, functional, and unusual things exist in the world.
I am having a good time learning about my interior design tastes.
It's a balmy summer friday, and having spent a great deal of my workday on the phone on hold, I've had lots of time to peruse various furniture sites.
Apparently I have very expensive taste. I've been searching for a offbeat table for my room. Sadly, my budget is more Craigslist than upscale LA or London designers, but it is amazing how much joy I get from knowing such beautiful, functional, and unusual things exist in the world.
I am having a good time learning about my interior design tastes.
It's a balmy summer friday, and having spent a great deal of my workday on the phone on hold, I've had lots of time to peruse various furniture sites.
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Friday, July 6, 2007
Scary is... (in the age of technology)
...realizing people read your blog.
...having to understand what things like FTP access permission and DNS error mean.
...realizing that your boss is on Facebook.
...having to understand what things like FTP access permission and DNS error mean.
...realizing that your boss is on Facebook.
Thursday, July 5, 2007
Happy Birthday USA.
It is late - a list about the 4th of July will have to suffice.
1. My room is now green NOT pink. YAY.
2. I ate a patriotic cake.
3. I learned that someone I know is a transexual, and I was impressed b/c I had no idea.
4. I saw a boob with a pierced nipple.
5. I sang as much of the Canadian national anthem as I know.
6. I sang Happy Birthday to the United States.
7. I love my new camera.
8. I love fireworks when I get to stand on a swanky balcony.
9. Sometimes you will be at a party and suddenly you will be discussing the mechanics of mermaids having sex.
10. I like being at a party and realizing that I am in a diverse group of people.
1. My room is now green NOT pink. YAY.
2. I ate a patriotic cake.
3. I learned that someone I know is a transexual, and I was impressed b/c I had no idea.
4. I saw a boob with a pierced nipple.
5. I sang as much of the Canadian national anthem as I know.
6. I sang Happy Birthday to the United States.
7. I love my new camera.
8. I love fireworks when I get to stand on a swanky balcony.
9. Sometimes you will be at a party and suddenly you will be discussing the mechanics of mermaids having sex.
10. I like being at a party and realizing that I am in a diverse group of people.
Sunday, July 1, 2007
WTF and other adventures....
So this weekend I finally went to the famous Williamstown Theatre Festival. As with most things, the idea that I had created in my head of this place was completely incorrect. I'm starting to learn that is generally the case.
I've learned a few things this weekend - one being that I have a hard time meeting new people these days. I think I need about 24 hours to (I hate this word) decompress and relax when I leave New York. I was definitely kind of nervous about this trip - it was an odd combination of people for me AND I was having the whole "I have a cough, and cramps, and today I am very socially awkward" feeling. I combatted this feeling by leaving Williamstown and going to visit some of my friends from Jacob's Pillow in Northampton. This was a good choice for me.
I haven't seen Jaime in over a year. She was my partner in crime in Development at the Pillow and she is wonderful and ridiculous. I also met her friend Alex and got to see my friend Josh. It was silly and immature and fabulous. I think that is what I needed.
I'm very please that I got to visit MassMOCA while I was here. I love MassMOCA. It is a unique museum and incredible. To have been within 20 minutes of MassMOCA and not seen it would have broken my heart.
I think that ultimately this was a successful trip. I'm slowing figuring out how my brain and personality works again and this weekend was helpful.
PMS and cramps are stupid. They make life harder than it needs to be. Being thrown into a situation where you have to be charming is annoying and challenging enough. Automatically feeling like poo on top of everything else was probably not what I needed.
And I got "Man Bling" tattoos. So really that made the weekend worth it. I am looking forward to an adventure with Abby in New York wearing our matching MAN BLING tats.
I've learned a few things this weekend - one being that I have a hard time meeting new people these days. I think I need about 24 hours to (I hate this word) decompress and relax when I leave New York. I was definitely kind of nervous about this trip - it was an odd combination of people for me AND I was having the whole "I have a cough, and cramps, and today I am very socially awkward" feeling. I combatted this feeling by leaving Williamstown and going to visit some of my friends from Jacob's Pillow in Northampton. This was a good choice for me.
I haven't seen Jaime in over a year. She was my partner in crime in Development at the Pillow and she is wonderful and ridiculous. I also met her friend Alex and got to see my friend Josh. It was silly and immature and fabulous. I think that is what I needed.
I'm very please that I got to visit MassMOCA while I was here. I love MassMOCA. It is a unique museum and incredible. To have been within 20 minutes of MassMOCA and not seen it would have broken my heart.
I think that ultimately this was a successful trip. I'm slowing figuring out how my brain and personality works again and this weekend was helpful.
PMS and cramps are stupid. They make life harder than it needs to be. Being thrown into a situation where you have to be charming is annoying and challenging enough. Automatically feeling like poo on top of everything else was probably not what I needed.
And I got "Man Bling" tattoos. So really that made the weekend worth it. I am looking forward to an adventure with Abby in New York wearing our matching MAN BLING tats.
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Celebrity Sighting #25.2
It gets worse.
Yesterday I hit Bebe Neuwirth in the back with a stall door in the bathroom.
I'm thinking...we probably won't be friends.
Yesterday I hit Bebe Neuwirth in the back with a stall door in the bathroom.
I'm thinking...we probably won't be friends.
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Celebrity Sighting #24
I rode in the elevator with Allison Janney.
I had to blow my nose because I have a cold.
I was kind of embarassed.
(Oh yeah Joe Mantello and I had a conversation about dust...also a little embarassing.)
I had to blow my nose because I have a cold.
I was kind of embarassed.
(Oh yeah Joe Mantello and I had a conversation about dust...also a little embarassing.)
Monday, June 25, 2007
Saturday, June 23, 2007
That Time I Confused the Greenpeace Lady or Why I Shouldn't Talk to Strangers
While walking from the subway to my apartment, I am greeted by a woman from Greenpeace. While we are talking my roommate passes by and I wave.....this conversation ensues:
Greenpeace Lady: Who was that?
Me: That's my roommate.
Greenpeace Lady: Oh you live with a guy?
Me: No, I live with the girl.
Greenpeace Lady: I thought you meant the guy.
Me: No, that's my roommate's husband.
Greenpeace Lady: (pause) So then does he live with you?
Me: No, he lives in Ithaca.
Greenpeace Lady: I don't understand. How does that work?
Me: They live in different places. He goes to med school.
Greenpeace Lady: Why don't they live together?
Me: Well...they are Chinese. (pause as I realize I now sound racist) It has to do with Visas and jobs and costume design and...um...it's hard to explain. They'll live together soon...in Ithaca.
Greenpeace Lady: I am still confused. So....will you join Greenpeace?
Me: Uh...no.
Greenpeace Lady: Who was that?
Me: That's my roommate.
Greenpeace Lady: Oh you live with a guy?
Me: No, I live with the girl.
Greenpeace Lady: I thought you meant the guy.
Me: No, that's my roommate's husband.
Greenpeace Lady: (pause) So then does he live with you?
Me: No, he lives in Ithaca.
Greenpeace Lady: I don't understand. How does that work?
Me: They live in different places. He goes to med school.
Greenpeace Lady: Why don't they live together?
Me: Well...they are Chinese. (pause as I realize I now sound racist) It has to do with Visas and jobs and costume design and...um...it's hard to explain. They'll live together soon...in Ithaca.
Greenpeace Lady: I am still confused. So....will you join Greenpeace?
Me: Uh...no.
Thursday, June 21, 2007
And all this time I thought I didn't like motorcycles...
Um... so I just found out this kid I went to a study abroad program with got a ducati. I thought I was not a huge fan of motorcycles. I've had multiple opportunities to ride on one with various men in various countries and never said yes.
Except I just looked at this guy's online photos (on Facebook...shhhh) of him and his Ducati and now...um...I want to ride on his Ducati.
He's hot. And kind of an asshole. But a hot asshole.
I guess motorcycles are hot when the guy on them is hot.
Weirdness.
I keep seeing all these people from television at work today:
So far I've seen people from "Who's the Boss?", "Veronica Mars", and "That 70s Show".
I'm cranky and have drank too much coffee.
A haiku:
Confused and cranky,
Need sex, sleep, and ice cream treat,
Mid-twenties slump time.
Except I just looked at this guy's online photos (on Facebook...shhhh) of him and his Ducati and now...um...I want to ride on his Ducati.
He's hot. And kind of an asshole. But a hot asshole.
I guess motorcycles are hot when the guy on them is hot.
Weirdness.
I keep seeing all these people from television at work today:
So far I've seen people from "Who's the Boss?", "Veronica Mars", and "That 70s Show".
I'm cranky and have drank too much coffee.
A haiku:
Confused and cranky,
Need sex, sleep, and ice cream treat,
Mid-twenties slump time.
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
These are the questions that make it the Mid-twenties slump?
As a result of a two hour phone conversation with an old friend, I need to ask the following:
What do you do when you find out someone you trusted and loved was essentially manipulating your life from multiple angles for several years by giving people inappropriate advice?
What do you do when your friend dates somebody you hate, someone you are afraid is only going to hurt them?
Do you give new people in your life a second chance, or is that only reserved for long term friends?
How do you forgive people? Do you forgive because somebody deserves forgiveness or only because it will be easier forget if you let it go?
How do you deal with crushes spanning several years?
Is it always better to tell somebody the truth?
Is it worth it to lose a friend over a relationship?
Is it worth it to lose a friend over a night of really amazing sex?
Am I only friends with people I was involved in the past because we didn't sleep together?
How come some people will always feel guilty, even if you tell them not too, and others will never feel guilty even when they should?
Should we actively work to improve our karma, or is karma a joke?
How far should you go for self preservation? Do you sacrifice common politeness and decency, or do you realize that you need to learn to function in the world as a kind person?
Is it ever ok - really ok - to punch someone in the face?
What do you do when you find out someone you trusted and loved was essentially manipulating your life from multiple angles for several years by giving people inappropriate advice?
What do you do when your friend dates somebody you hate, someone you are afraid is only going to hurt them?
Do you give new people in your life a second chance, or is that only reserved for long term friends?
How do you forgive people? Do you forgive because somebody deserves forgiveness or only because it will be easier forget if you let it go?
How do you deal with crushes spanning several years?
Is it always better to tell somebody the truth?
Is it worth it to lose a friend over a relationship?
Is it worth it to lose a friend over a night of really amazing sex?
Am I only friends with people I was involved in the past because we didn't sleep together?
How come some people will always feel guilty, even if you tell them not too, and others will never feel guilty even when they should?
Should we actively work to improve our karma, or is karma a joke?
How far should you go for self preservation? Do you sacrifice common politeness and decency, or do you realize that you need to learn to function in the world as a kind person?
Is it ever ok - really ok - to punch someone in the face?
Monday, June 18, 2007
Love, Dating, and Other Things I Don't Understand
So supposedly I have a date tomorrow night. Plans have not been confirmed, but post-making out at a club, a cute boy took my number. And then texted me and I texted back. And then called and left a message. Then I called him and left a message. And then we actually you know...talked on the phone.
He was saying cute and romantic type things, but I wasn't buying it...not that I necessarily think he didn't mean it...maybe he did, but these types of phrases don't have the same impact on me as they did the first time.
The first time...
I guess the first time was the boy I dated for three years. I guess he was the first real time. I mean boys said "romantical" things before that, and I wasn't as swept up in the whole ordeal. I guess that means I was really in love? Maybe it means I only believe someone if I've known them a long time.
I remember being sixteen on the subway in New York and I had just finished telling my friend how no boy ever really made me feel pretty. A random boy walked up to me and told me I was beautiful... I don't know if he heard my complaint. I was convinced he must have, or why else did he come up to me.
When I was seventeen, I really wanted to be in love. I had a really great first kiss with a boy. Little did I know, that first kiss would be eclipsed by many other first kisses. I didn't love that boy, we never got that far. We broke up because I wouldn't have sex with him.
When I was nineteen, a boy told me he loved me and I couldn't say it back. I know I didn't love him. He was a kind, thoughtful, and communicative boy and I wish I had treated him better. But I wasn't in love with him. I was nineteen and in Europe and for the first time I was learning how to be ok with flirting and men and the whole club scene.
When I was twenty-one, I think I might have fallen in love. But it never went anywhere. I could barely talk about it coherently with anybody. I even tried to tell the person. That incident was like a deer caught in the headlights. I asked my friend if being in love counted if you never actually dated the person, if they never really knew what you were thinking.... she said yes, it still counts.
When I was twenty-two, I definitely fell in love. And it was long, and dramatic, and wonderful and horrible. And I'm finally getting over it. I think I might mostly be over it...I'm not sure. But I'm not still in love with this person. This first kiss put all the other first kisses in the world to shame. It will be the first kiss by which I will judge all future first kisses. I was the first person to say "I love you" and I whispered it late at night, wrapped in a blanket, sitting on the floor. I whispered it while snow fell outside and it was a wonderful feeling. And then 3+ years later it fell apart.
But I'm still okay; I'm even better than okay, and I think I still believe in love.
So the next question is...can you be in love with two people at the same time? I think I was. I think it happened when I was twenty-two for a little while. Another first kiss - not perfect in the John Hughes movie way, but kind of perfect in the Judd Apatow way. In a piazza. In the most romantic country in the world. Maybe it was real, maybe it was the lighting in the piazza.
Now I am twenty five, and statistics say I am at the ideal age for marriage... or was it the average age for marriage? The truth is, I'm probably further from marriage then I've ever been. But I still want to believe in marriage.
And tomorrow, maybe, I'm going on a date. With a medical student I met in a club. Do I like him? Maybe. Will it go anywhere? Maybe, but I lean towards probably not. Why? Circumstances. Will I believe him tomorrow if he says something romantic? I would like to. I would at least like to not roll my eyes if he he busts out a line about my eyes.
So I will go home and I will choose an outfit, and I will wear mascara, and I will get nervous. I will hope that if it isn't forever, the butterflies will happen at least for a little while and I will believe, even just for a minute, that love is possible and I will stop being cynical, even just for a minute. And if he says "you look pretty" I won't look for alterior motives, I won't judge him because he said something moony, I won't try to sneak a look at myself in a window to see if he is lying. I will smile and I will believe him and I will say "thanks."
He was saying cute and romantic type things, but I wasn't buying it...not that I necessarily think he didn't mean it...maybe he did, but these types of phrases don't have the same impact on me as they did the first time.
The first time...
I guess the first time was the boy I dated for three years. I guess he was the first real time. I mean boys said "romantical" things before that, and I wasn't as swept up in the whole ordeal. I guess that means I was really in love? Maybe it means I only believe someone if I've known them a long time.
I remember being sixteen on the subway in New York and I had just finished telling my friend how no boy ever really made me feel pretty. A random boy walked up to me and told me I was beautiful... I don't know if he heard my complaint. I was convinced he must have, or why else did he come up to me.
When I was seventeen, I really wanted to be in love. I had a really great first kiss with a boy. Little did I know, that first kiss would be eclipsed by many other first kisses. I didn't love that boy, we never got that far. We broke up because I wouldn't have sex with him.
When I was nineteen, a boy told me he loved me and I couldn't say it back. I know I didn't love him. He was a kind, thoughtful, and communicative boy and I wish I had treated him better. But I wasn't in love with him. I was nineteen and in Europe and for the first time I was learning how to be ok with flirting and men and the whole club scene.
When I was twenty-one, I think I might have fallen in love. But it never went anywhere. I could barely talk about it coherently with anybody. I even tried to tell the person. That incident was like a deer caught in the headlights. I asked my friend if being in love counted if you never actually dated the person, if they never really knew what you were thinking.... she said yes, it still counts.
When I was twenty-two, I definitely fell in love. And it was long, and dramatic, and wonderful and horrible. And I'm finally getting over it. I think I might mostly be over it...I'm not sure. But I'm not still in love with this person. This first kiss put all the other first kisses in the world to shame. It will be the first kiss by which I will judge all future first kisses. I was the first person to say "I love you" and I whispered it late at night, wrapped in a blanket, sitting on the floor. I whispered it while snow fell outside and it was a wonderful feeling. And then 3+ years later it fell apart.
But I'm still okay; I'm even better than okay, and I think I still believe in love.
So the next question is...can you be in love with two people at the same time? I think I was. I think it happened when I was twenty-two for a little while. Another first kiss - not perfect in the John Hughes movie way, but kind of perfect in the Judd Apatow way. In a piazza. In the most romantic country in the world. Maybe it was real, maybe it was the lighting in the piazza.
Now I am twenty five, and statistics say I am at the ideal age for marriage... or was it the average age for marriage? The truth is, I'm probably further from marriage then I've ever been. But I still want to believe in marriage.
And tomorrow, maybe, I'm going on a date. With a medical student I met in a club. Do I like him? Maybe. Will it go anywhere? Maybe, but I lean towards probably not. Why? Circumstances. Will I believe him tomorrow if he says something romantic? I would like to. I would at least like to not roll my eyes if he he busts out a line about my eyes.
So I will go home and I will choose an outfit, and I will wear mascara, and I will get nervous. I will hope that if it isn't forever, the butterflies will happen at least for a little while and I will believe, even just for a minute, that love is possible and I will stop being cynical, even just for a minute. And if he says "you look pretty" I won't look for alterior motives, I won't judge him because he said something moony, I won't try to sneak a look at myself in a window to see if he is lying. I will smile and I will believe him and I will say "thanks."
Friday, June 15, 2007
Freak Allergic Reaction
Yesterday morning, I woke up and suddenly thought "Hmmmm, my eye feels weird". I look in the mirror and realize that my right eyelid is swelling rapidly and I look scary. Really scary actually. My roommates take one look at me and they looked pretty freaked out. I call my boss and tell her I have to go to the doctor.
Bad news... I don't have insurance yet. Ironically, I have just become eligible for insurance - I have insurance paperwork, but no insurance. Crap.
I call clinics and friends who went through "no insurance" periods in their life in New York City. All the while my eye is swelling more and more. I look scarier.
Finally, I just decide to go to the clinic that I have a confirmed address for and seems the nicest on the phone. I walk about 2 miles because the subway and bus doesn't help me get from Point A to Point B.
I arrive at the clinic in extreme discomfort - I can only see out of one eye and I have a throbbing headache from the pressure being put on my eye. The clinic doctors take one look at me and tell me to go to the emergency room. I start to get very concerned about my health. Various people start telling me how to get to the hospital which is disorienting and no single set of directons makes sense. Finally one nice man (who doesn't even work for the clinic) takes me outside to the bus stop and explains how to get to the emergency room at Mount Sinai Hospital in Queens.
The bus comes immediately, thank goodness, and I get on the bus and stand next to the bus driver. I call my friend Evan who is one of the most comforting people I know in New York. We giggle nervously on the phone. The bus driver and I chat about the hospital. The bus driver looks at me, gets freaked out, and says "Yeah, you look really bad." AWESOME - even the bus driver is scared of my face.
I wait, I make some calls for work, I try and read with my one good eye in the waiting room. I see the doctor and she tells me I had an allergic reaction, but she doesn't know what it was, and she can't really do anything for me. She gives me some tips to reduce the swelling and I leave.
I go home, sit for 5 hours with frozen cucumbers on my eye, keep taking antihistamines, nap periodically sitting up (I was told NOT to lie down). I drag my sorry butt into Manhattan for the last of four focus groups for work.
I'm waiting to see how bad my bill is - if I have to pay 1200 bucks for some antihistamines and a light being shone in my eye, I'm going to apply for assistance and see if I can retroactively have my insurance cover this incident.
Anyways, all is back to normal... life was a little scary for a while. It was nice that people offered to come to the hospital with me, or meet me there, but I was pretty proud that I handled things ok. I did get a bit teary on the phone with the mom, but only her. I gave myself one minute to compose myself and then took care of some deadlines for my job. I think I might use my new insurance to go to the allergist and figure out which substances I need to avoid.
Bad news... I don't have insurance yet. Ironically, I have just become eligible for insurance - I have insurance paperwork, but no insurance. Crap.
I call clinics and friends who went through "no insurance" periods in their life in New York City. All the while my eye is swelling more and more. I look scarier.
Finally, I just decide to go to the clinic that I have a confirmed address for and seems the nicest on the phone. I walk about 2 miles because the subway and bus doesn't help me get from Point A to Point B.
I arrive at the clinic in extreme discomfort - I can only see out of one eye and I have a throbbing headache from the pressure being put on my eye. The clinic doctors take one look at me and tell me to go to the emergency room. I start to get very concerned about my health. Various people start telling me how to get to the hospital which is disorienting and no single set of directons makes sense. Finally one nice man (who doesn't even work for the clinic) takes me outside to the bus stop and explains how to get to the emergency room at Mount Sinai Hospital in Queens.
The bus comes immediately, thank goodness, and I get on the bus and stand next to the bus driver. I call my friend Evan who is one of the most comforting people I know in New York. We giggle nervously on the phone. The bus driver and I chat about the hospital. The bus driver looks at me, gets freaked out, and says "Yeah, you look really bad." AWESOME - even the bus driver is scared of my face.
I wait, I make some calls for work, I try and read with my one good eye in the waiting room. I see the doctor and she tells me I had an allergic reaction, but she doesn't know what it was, and she can't really do anything for me. She gives me some tips to reduce the swelling and I leave.
I go home, sit for 5 hours with frozen cucumbers on my eye, keep taking antihistamines, nap periodically sitting up (I was told NOT to lie down). I drag my sorry butt into Manhattan for the last of four focus groups for work.
I'm waiting to see how bad my bill is - if I have to pay 1200 bucks for some antihistamines and a light being shone in my eye, I'm going to apply for assistance and see if I can retroactively have my insurance cover this incident.
Anyways, all is back to normal... life was a little scary for a while. It was nice that people offered to come to the hospital with me, or meet me there, but I was pretty proud that I handled things ok. I did get a bit teary on the phone with the mom, but only her. I gave myself one minute to compose myself and then took care of some deadlines for my job. I think I might use my new insurance to go to the allergist and figure out which substances I need to avoid.
Monday, June 11, 2007
Making My Life Better One Step at a Time
1. Yoga
2. Blackberry
3. Smaller Digital Camera
4. Paint the apartment
5. Library Card
6. Dance Class
7. Stick to beer.
8. Count to 10 before speaking or typing on the G-Chat.
9. Coupons
10. More sleep.
11. Automatic Debit for Credit Card payments
1. I am in Yoga class.
2. Done.
3. Picked the camera.
4. Working on it.
5. I need to get mail to get the card. Send me mail!
6. Have class schedules.
7. Well...working on it again.
8. Probably won't get to 10, will settle for counting to 5.
9. I have scissors. Now I need some coupon inclusive publications.
10. I will do what I can.
11. Done!
So...not too bad.
2. Blackberry
3. Smaller Digital Camera
4. Paint the apartment
5. Library Card
6. Dance Class
7. Stick to beer.
8. Count to 10 before speaking or typing on the G-Chat.
9. Coupons
10. More sleep.
11. Automatic Debit for Credit Card payments
1. I am in Yoga class.
2. Done.
3. Picked the camera.
4. Working on it.
5. I need to get mail to get the card. Send me mail!
6. Have class schedules.
7. Well...working on it again.
8. Probably won't get to 10, will settle for counting to 5.
9. I have scissors. Now I need some coupon inclusive publications.
10. I will do what I can.
11. Done!
So...not too bad.
Saturday, June 9, 2007
We are so close we could spit on Home Plate.
I'm a newly minted real life baseball fan. I sat right behind home plate at Yankee Stadium via tickets courtesy of Pirates first baseman Adam LaRoche. We had to pick up our tickets at the VIP station.
Hot.
Beer, yelling, and crowds singing songs.....YAY baseball.
Hot.
Beer, yelling, and crowds singing songs.....YAY baseball.
Wednesday, June 6, 2007
I Want to Leave My Fingerprints on You
This is a line from a song in Passing Strange which I saw at the Public Theatre tonight. I highly recommend it. I guess you could call it a rock musical...or a punk rock musical....
It is based on the life of Stew, a musician. He just goes by Stew, so all I can call him is Stew. I really wish they would make a cast album. I want to see it again.
So this random lady I met today gave me the cell phone number of a 28 year-old family friend that she thinks I might like... to date. It was one of the stranger moments of my day. I'll probably give him a call, since he is a theater person and is going to CMU. I like new people.
And I'm going to a Yankees game tomorrow.
Life is unexpected sometimes.
Sigh. I really enjoyed Passing Strange.
It is based on the life of Stew, a musician. He just goes by Stew, so all I can call him is Stew. I really wish they would make a cast album. I want to see it again.
So this random lady I met today gave me the cell phone number of a 28 year-old family friend that she thinks I might like... to date. It was one of the stranger moments of my day. I'll probably give him a call, since he is a theater person and is going to CMU. I like new people.
And I'm going to a Yankees game tomorrow.
Life is unexpected sometimes.
Sigh. I really enjoyed Passing Strange.
Monday, June 4, 2007
Yoga...aaaaaahhhhh.
I love Yoga. I forgot how wonderful and hard it is.
My body feels like jello.
When I did Yoga today for part of the class I only thought about what my body was feeling and how much I liked being still.
And that is a reason to say thank you.
My body feels like jello.
When I did Yoga today for part of the class I only thought about what my body was feeling and how much I liked being still.
And that is a reason to say thank you.
Life Settles In...
I officially live in Astoria.
I was at work an hour early today for no reason except me and wanting to do random things.
I have summer plans and projects.
Word.
I was at work an hour early today for no reason except me and wanting to do random things.
I have summer plans and projects.
Word.
Sunday, June 3, 2007
26 Hours of Free Music
Tonight I spent 5 hours at the Bang On A Can Music Marathon. This event has been going on for 20 years in New York City in various venues. At first I was skeptical because some of my experiences with contemporary music have not been pleasant, but I was amazed. The marathon took (and is still taking) place at the World Financial Center downtown. The musical groups/acts are from all around the world - when I left an ensemble from Uzbekhistan (FYI I know I totally spelled that wrong, but I'm real tired....) was playing.
The World Financial Center has a giant indoor courtyard with a glass ceiling and many palm trees. It seemed a bit strange and ironic to be sitting in a venue with a very "I'm at the mall" feeling to it. However, seeing the sunset through the palm trees was pretty awesome. One of ensembles also performed a horn piece spread throughout the multiple floors of the courtyard with the conductor in the middle of the ground floor.
I liked the casual feel of the whole event - I wandered off to find a bagel at one point and could still hear the music. The best act of all (that I have seen thus far - I want to go back tomorrow as well) was the band The Books from North Adams, MA. Incidentally this is where MassMOCA is - one of the largest spaces for contemporary art in the country and a really kick ass place to visit if you are ever in the Berkshires. The Books make beautiful music and found video art. They are smart and cheeky and I never thought I would say that one of the most incredible things I've seen lately included a home video of a boy on a trampoline.
I love that New York has these great events and for FREE too! At 4:30 AM you can see 18 people playing 18 pianos at the World Financial Center. I kind of wish I had the stamina to stay up all night for this event, but I have plans at noon tomorrow, plans I really can't skip. Tomorrow is the first Lebowski Sunday that has occurred for over a year and Michael is leaving town on Monday. Plus I am officially becoming a resident of Astoria tomorrow. All my stuff lives there, now it is time for me to go too.
I think the music of Brian Eno is currently wafting through the financial district.....awesome.
Tomorrow I get to see Yo La Tengo! Liz and I bought many CDs to share of new exciting music. We talked to a bass clarinetist named Evan for advice. I find Evans to be really solid, good characters and good for smart suggestions. I'm really excited about The Books DVD. Beautiful music and beautiful videos to share....
The World Financial Center has a giant indoor courtyard with a glass ceiling and many palm trees. It seemed a bit strange and ironic to be sitting in a venue with a very "I'm at the mall" feeling to it. However, seeing the sunset through the palm trees was pretty awesome. One of ensembles also performed a horn piece spread throughout the multiple floors of the courtyard with the conductor in the middle of the ground floor.
I liked the casual feel of the whole event - I wandered off to find a bagel at one point and could still hear the music. The best act of all (that I have seen thus far - I want to go back tomorrow as well) was the band The Books from North Adams, MA. Incidentally this is where MassMOCA is - one of the largest spaces for contemporary art in the country and a really kick ass place to visit if you are ever in the Berkshires. The Books make beautiful music and found video art. They are smart and cheeky and I never thought I would say that one of the most incredible things I've seen lately included a home video of a boy on a trampoline.
I love that New York has these great events and for FREE too! At 4:30 AM you can see 18 people playing 18 pianos at the World Financial Center. I kind of wish I had the stamina to stay up all night for this event, but I have plans at noon tomorrow, plans I really can't skip. Tomorrow is the first Lebowski Sunday that has occurred for over a year and Michael is leaving town on Monday. Plus I am officially becoming a resident of Astoria tomorrow. All my stuff lives there, now it is time for me to go too.
I think the music of Brian Eno is currently wafting through the financial district.....awesome.
Tomorrow I get to see Yo La Tengo! Liz and I bought many CDs to share of new exciting music. We talked to a bass clarinetist named Evan for advice. I find Evans to be really solid, good characters and good for smart suggestions. I'm really excited about The Books DVD. Beautiful music and beautiful videos to share....
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
A List of Things That Improve the Quality of My Life
This list is in no particular order, but these things have been bouncing around my head....
1. The stretch of the N/Q train from Brooklyn where you are suddenly above ground and get to see the Brooklyn Bridge.
2. The free can of soda or bottle of water you get with a sandwich at Garden City Deli
3. G-chat at work
4. European Delights Creperie
5. www.gofugyourself.com
6. Television shows on DVD
7. Unexpected blocks of trees on streets in Astoria, Park Slope, and Bed-Stuy
8. Fixed lunch menues that include dessert
9. The Music Genome Project
10. The NY Times online and free coffee in the mornings.
1. The stretch of the N/Q train from Brooklyn where you are suddenly above ground and get to see the Brooklyn Bridge.
2. The free can of soda or bottle of water you get with a sandwich at Garden City Deli
3. G-chat at work
4. European Delights Creperie
5. www.gofugyourself.com
6. Television shows on DVD
7. Unexpected blocks of trees on streets in Astoria, Park Slope, and Bed-Stuy
8. Fixed lunch menues that include dessert
9. The Music Genome Project
10. The NY Times online and free coffee in the mornings.
Thursday, May 24, 2007
This is another reason to work in theatre....
A note from last night's performance report for LoveMusik:
"The Hitler Baby lost his hat. It will be repaired for tomorrow."
Sigh. I love the entertainment industry. The Hitler baby is in a very funny scene, FYI.
"The Hitler Baby lost his hat. It will be repaired for tomorrow."
Sigh. I love the entertainment industry. The Hitler baby is in a very funny scene, FYI.
I Guess You Did Make an Impression, Little Tomato
So last night after attending the portfolio showcase for the 2007 graduating CMU designers, I went to the bar with 12,000 of my friends, some professors, the head of the School O'Drama, and various other alumni.
It was a good time. There was lots of gossip, fun stories, silliness, and inter-table texting. I got a new silly nickname because of whom I will be living with next year (Mikey and Megan and I are now officially going to be rooommates...it will be the most fun ever or implode- stay tuned to see which way it goes)and my favorite former professor told a story about me from freshman year about how I kind of told Ming Cho Lee how it really is. When Ming came and visited my freshman year, he basically told us that he thought an undergraduate theatre program was a load of crap and that people should wait until they are in grad school to focus. Apparently, after he told us this there was a long period of silence and then I raised my hand and told why an undergraduate theatre program was in fact not a load of crap.
I remember what I said now vaguely - I told Ming that every project we did required us to learn about something new and go research something new, and that I was being educated in a million different things with theatre as the impetus behind the learning. To be honest, I missed most of Ming's visit because I had the death flu (I remember that my friend Beth would bring me snacks because I was so sick I couldn't leave the dorm). But the nice thing about the whole evening was that I realized that I hadn't been a forgetable student. And that is nice. Plus Dick really was/is one of my favorite teachers ever.
I also got to meet a new School of Drama acting faculty member. He is British and he was a lot of fun. He made me laugh when he talked about the effects of Facebook on how students interacted with each other and how his students interacted with him after he joined Facebook. I still can't believe that students leave him academic related messages on his Wall. Chuckle, chuckle.
It was a good time. There was lots of gossip, fun stories, silliness, and inter-table texting. I got a new silly nickname because of whom I will be living with next year (Mikey and Megan and I are now officially going to be rooommates...it will be the most fun ever or implode- stay tuned to see which way it goes)and my favorite former professor told a story about me from freshman year about how I kind of told Ming Cho Lee how it really is. When Ming came and visited my freshman year, he basically told us that he thought an undergraduate theatre program was a load of crap and that people should wait until they are in grad school to focus. Apparently, after he told us this there was a long period of silence and then I raised my hand and told why an undergraduate theatre program was in fact not a load of crap.
I remember what I said now vaguely - I told Ming that every project we did required us to learn about something new and go research something new, and that I was being educated in a million different things with theatre as the impetus behind the learning. To be honest, I missed most of Ming's visit because I had the death flu (I remember that my friend Beth would bring me snacks because I was so sick I couldn't leave the dorm). But the nice thing about the whole evening was that I realized that I hadn't been a forgetable student. And that is nice. Plus Dick really was/is one of my favorite teachers ever.
I also got to meet a new School of Drama acting faculty member. He is British and he was a lot of fun. He made me laugh when he talked about the effects of Facebook on how students interacted with each other and how his students interacted with him after he joined Facebook. I still can't believe that students leave him academic related messages on his Wall. Chuckle, chuckle.
Monday, May 21, 2007
Dear Potato Salad, we are no longer friends (A Love Letter to Music: Part I)
I got food poisoning and I was miserable. So when I was laying in my little room last night hoping that I wasn't actually dying since that is what I felt like, I listened to my ipod. And now, after a stressful day at work my fabulous co-worker Tom (who invited me to his family's cabin in Maine with some of my other fabulous co-workers) is playing calming music... and it is making me think about the songs that have gotten me through some hard times.
A love letter to various bits and pieces of my musical tastes....
"Paper Bag" by Fiona Apple - This song should just be called "The Theme Song of My Year at Parsons School of Design". I think there is literally a ridge in my copy of Fiona Apple's 2nd album from listening to this song too much. At eighteen, I was living in New York and I wanted to be strong but wounded, sophisticated and mysterious. I didn't accomplish any of these things, but I listened to this song a great deal and wished I could.
"Such Great Heights" by The Postal Service - I love everything about this song. I love the strange beginning, I love the lyrics...it is a song that I find comforting. It also makes me think of one of my best friends from college which is a plus. This was a friend that said to me once, "You were supposed to come to Carnegie Mellon so we would meet and be friends and that is that." The lyrics in the song that talk about symmetry between people and it being a sign makes me think about this friend.
"Happy Ending" by Mika - This song has such cheese potential - it sounds like the music video should be shot in a church with candles and a gospel choir, while a dreamy Mika sports a half unbuttoned white shirt and stares into the camera with moody but loveable eyes...(sigh he's gay I believe.) Remember when Uncle Jess on Full House makes a music video...it could be the prototype for the one I see in my head that makes me chuckle when I listen to this song sometimes. ANYWAYS, the point of my rambling is related to this lyric:
If anything should happen, I guess I wish you well
A little bit of heaven, but a little bit of hell.
Oh and this lyric too:
This is the way that we love,
Like it's forever.
Then live the rest of our life,
But not together.
This song was something I listened to for DAYS, literally days on end while going through a stupid break-up. In all its cheeseball glory, I found some beautiful simple little melodies and of course - the joy of gospel choirs when used in pop music.
"The Wood Song" by The Indigo Girls - This song is about high school. It's not really...but to me it is. Actually I feel like the Indigo Girls and Ani DiFranco are about high school. I had the general teen angst and my friends and I liked to listen to this songs and drive through Birmingham, Royal Oak, and down to Detroit while listening to this songs with the windows down. These songs also remind me of the summers I spent working as a camp counselor.
"Enjoy the Silence" by Depeche Mode - Again high school, but specifically my group of friends from my famous art history class. And my brother. He wasn't in the class...he just knew about the attraction of Depeche Mode.
"The Luckiest" by Ben Folds - When I dated my first serious boyfriend (oops, my only serious boyfriend) this was kind of "our song" and I had this idea that I would get the piano music for this song and play it for him and sing it as a present. Well, that's not going to happen and truly it's probably for the best. I really love this song - in fact said boy actually called me while he was at a Ben Folds concert and held up his phone so I could listen to Ben play the song. It was pretty awesome on that "My conceit of romance comes from movies either directed by John Hughes or starring John Cusack or both" level (FYI: Chuck Klosterman has an excellent essay about this subject...FYI the same aforementioned boyfriend refused to read anything by Chuck Klosterman...clearly he and I were not meant to be.) I can't really listen to this song all the way through anymore but I'm working on it.
"The First Day of My Life" by Bright Eyes - This was the song I used when I was trying to define why moving across the ocean was a good idea. Although that whole thing didn't work out, I still really like this song. I really like the lyric "I'd rather be working for a paycheck, than trying to win the lottery" in reference to relationships....although this brings up the general question of how hard should love be? Hmmm.
"I Will Survive" by Cake - None of your pansy ass disco versions of this song compare. I once sang this song in the rain while drinking a bottle of wine...I think I was celebrating graduation? To be honest, I'm not really sure. I also once was at a concert in Ireland and a girl from South Africa fed me something strange (I thought it was a normal shot of vodka but it wasn't) and I ended up on a stage in front of hundreds of people dancing to Aretha Franklin's "Respect". Sigh...Ireland was fun and an integral part of my personal "John Hughes Should Direct My Coming of Age Story" movie moment.
A love letter to various bits and pieces of my musical tastes....
"Paper Bag" by Fiona Apple - This song should just be called "The Theme Song of My Year at Parsons School of Design". I think there is literally a ridge in my copy of Fiona Apple's 2nd album from listening to this song too much. At eighteen, I was living in New York and I wanted to be strong but wounded, sophisticated and mysterious. I didn't accomplish any of these things, but I listened to this song a great deal and wished I could.
"Such Great Heights" by The Postal Service - I love everything about this song. I love the strange beginning, I love the lyrics...it is a song that I find comforting. It also makes me think of one of my best friends from college which is a plus. This was a friend that said to me once, "You were supposed to come to Carnegie Mellon so we would meet and be friends and that is that." The lyrics in the song that talk about symmetry between people and it being a sign makes me think about this friend.
"Happy Ending" by Mika - This song has such cheese potential - it sounds like the music video should be shot in a church with candles and a gospel choir, while a dreamy Mika sports a half unbuttoned white shirt and stares into the camera with moody but loveable eyes...(sigh he's gay I believe.) Remember when Uncle Jess on Full House makes a music video...it could be the prototype for the one I see in my head that makes me chuckle when I listen to this song sometimes. ANYWAYS, the point of my rambling is related to this lyric:
If anything should happen, I guess I wish you well
A little bit of heaven, but a little bit of hell.
Oh and this lyric too:
This is the way that we love,
Like it's forever.
Then live the rest of our life,
But not together.
This song was something I listened to for DAYS, literally days on end while going through a stupid break-up. In all its cheeseball glory, I found some beautiful simple little melodies and of course - the joy of gospel choirs when used in pop music.
"The Wood Song" by The Indigo Girls - This song is about high school. It's not really...but to me it is. Actually I feel like the Indigo Girls and Ani DiFranco are about high school. I had the general teen angst and my friends and I liked to listen to this songs and drive through Birmingham, Royal Oak, and down to Detroit while listening to this songs with the windows down. These songs also remind me of the summers I spent working as a camp counselor.
"Enjoy the Silence" by Depeche Mode - Again high school, but specifically my group of friends from my famous art history class. And my brother. He wasn't in the class...he just knew about the attraction of Depeche Mode.
"The Luckiest" by Ben Folds - When I dated my first serious boyfriend (oops, my only serious boyfriend) this was kind of "our song" and I had this idea that I would get the piano music for this song and play it for him and sing it as a present. Well, that's not going to happen and truly it's probably for the best. I really love this song - in fact said boy actually called me while he was at a Ben Folds concert and held up his phone so I could listen to Ben play the song. It was pretty awesome on that "My conceit of romance comes from movies either directed by John Hughes or starring John Cusack or both" level (FYI: Chuck Klosterman has an excellent essay about this subject...FYI the same aforementioned boyfriend refused to read anything by Chuck Klosterman...clearly he and I were not meant to be.) I can't really listen to this song all the way through anymore but I'm working on it.
"The First Day of My Life" by Bright Eyes - This was the song I used when I was trying to define why moving across the ocean was a good idea. Although that whole thing didn't work out, I still really like this song. I really like the lyric "I'd rather be working for a paycheck, than trying to win the lottery" in reference to relationships....although this brings up the general question of how hard should love be? Hmmm.
"I Will Survive" by Cake - None of your pansy ass disco versions of this song compare. I once sang this song in the rain while drinking a bottle of wine...I think I was celebrating graduation? To be honest, I'm not really sure. I also once was at a concert in Ireland and a girl from South Africa fed me something strange (I thought it was a normal shot of vodka but it wasn't) and I ended up on a stage in front of hundreds of people dancing to Aretha Franklin's "Respect". Sigh...Ireland was fun and an integral part of my personal "John Hughes Should Direct My Coming of Age Story" movie moment.
Sunday, May 13, 2007
Oh You Poor Neglected Blog.
It's been a long time since I've posted anything, which in some ways is good. Not posting means I'm busy. And busy I have been. On May 7 was the MTC Gala which ended being a great deal of fun, but LONG and confusing. Neither Tom nor I had ever been through one of these events before and therefore had no idea what was going on. But, the event went well, MTC raised 1.5 million dollars. My friends Abby, Alex, and Beth/Liz volunteered had a good time. I won't soon forget the memory of me, Abby, and Alex running through the back halls of the Hilton with a photo backdrop and riding in the kitchen freight elevator. Or maybe the memory of Tom and I eating the food from the volunteer room off the trays while we were waiting for the elevator and getting sad looks from kitchen staff while we said "It's cool - this food is from our event." The drunk props guys, the cast of Spring Awakening at the afterparty, all the employees dancing to Ace of Base - I wonder what normal jobs are like...
Finding an apartment has been a pain....in fact I don't really want to talk about it. I was having a converation with a pretty new friend and we were noting how political living situations are - which friend you choose to live with, where you live based in relation to your friends, the requirements of blending different living styles - it is tough out there.
But admist all the hard parts of living in New York and challenging parts of my life, I really enjoy many aspects of living in New York. All the MTC employees (well at least 40 of them) are going to Coney Island to see the Brooklyn Cyclones play. I'm excited because I've never been to Coney Island and also because the people I work with are fun.
I went to a concert in Red Hook at Magnetic Field with my friend Adam. We saw a band called "Les Sans Culottes" or Without Pants. They were adorable....I now secretly want sideswept bangs and a French accent. The funny thing is that they totally aren't actually French, but it was good times all around.
Yesterday I went to a BBQ and a surprise party. So the fun never ends....
If I could just find the perfect apartment and living situation.
Finding an apartment has been a pain....in fact I don't really want to talk about it. I was having a converation with a pretty new friend and we were noting how political living situations are - which friend you choose to live with, where you live based in relation to your friends, the requirements of blending different living styles - it is tough out there.
But admist all the hard parts of living in New York and challenging parts of my life, I really enjoy many aspects of living in New York. All the MTC employees (well at least 40 of them) are going to Coney Island to see the Brooklyn Cyclones play. I'm excited because I've never been to Coney Island and also because the people I work with are fun.
I went to a concert in Red Hook at Magnetic Field with my friend Adam. We saw a band called "Les Sans Culottes" or Without Pants. They were adorable....I now secretly want sideswept bangs and a French accent. The funny thing is that they totally aren't actually French, but it was good times all around.
Yesterday I went to a BBQ and a surprise party. So the fun never ends....
If I could just find the perfect apartment and living situation.
Friday, May 4, 2007
"I Know You From Somewhere" or You Say This is Opening Night?
Let's play true or false....
1. I just ate a great deal of fake cheese with a fork.
2. I tailed Hal Prince like it was my job at the opening night party. He did press interviews. My boss was like "Um how did you get Hal to interview?
3. I ate a bunch of food in the corner of the opening night party...alone. I totally stuffed my face - it was great.
4. I introduced myself to John Shearer as we did both go to CMU.
5. The words "Excuse me, Ms. Bacall (as in Lauren)" and "Sorry Mr. Lipton (as in James) were uttered.
6. I couldn't fit the backdrop in the elevator.
7. The other backdrop was wrinkly.
8. A new backdrop was make of window card posters.
9. I have a gi-normus "I want to fool around with you crush" not a "I want to relationship with you" crush on a co-worker.
10. I got an unsolicted apartment offer from a coworker/beginning to be friend.
11. Someone in telemarketing at MTC also went to school with me....and she recognized me.
12. My boss said "You get a gold star for tonight".
13. I really like my job....
Oh heavens....they are all true.
1. I just ate a great deal of fake cheese with a fork.
2. I tailed Hal Prince like it was my job at the opening night party. He did press interviews. My boss was like "Um how did you get Hal to interview?
3. I ate a bunch of food in the corner of the opening night party...alone. I totally stuffed my face - it was great.
4. I introduced myself to John Shearer as we did both go to CMU.
5. The words "Excuse me, Ms. Bacall (as in Lauren)" and "Sorry Mr. Lipton (as in James) were uttered.
6. I couldn't fit the backdrop in the elevator.
7. The other backdrop was wrinkly.
8. A new backdrop was make of window card posters.
9. I have a gi-normus "I want to fool around with you crush" not a "I want to relationship with you" crush on a co-worker.
10. I got an unsolicted apartment offer from a coworker/beginning to be friend.
11. Someone in telemarketing at MTC also went to school with me....and she recognized me.
12. My boss said "You get a gold star for tonight".
13. I really like my job....
Oh heavens....they are all true.
Monday, April 30, 2007
My Feet Hurt.
My feet really hurt. And I wouldn't be concerned except recently I crossed paths with a friend/colleague/classmate of mine who told me a story about emergency foot surgery and a long recuperation period involving crutches and a wheelchair. She didn't even know the nerves in her feet were being so compromised. Wow.....My left big toe joint is in some intense pain.
It creeps me out. I already know I have low key foot problems, but now I'm extra freaked out, only because the pain is making me kind of nauseous. That can't be good....
It creeps me out. I already know I have low key foot problems, but now I'm extra freaked out, only because the pain is making me kind of nauseous. That can't be good....
Friday, April 27, 2007
I Hate This.
I hate feeling the way I do.
I hate the damage remarks from a person you loved can cause months after the fact.
I am so mad. I guess this was the breakdown moment. Hopefully, I hit bottom tonight and I can go up from here.
I hate you for making me feel this way. You know exactly who you are.
I hate the damage remarks from a person you loved can cause months after the fact.
I am so mad. I guess this was the breakdown moment. Hopefully, I hit bottom tonight and I can go up from here.
I hate you for making me feel this way. You know exactly who you are.
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Real Life Grown-Ups: They're Just Like Us
This weekend while I was at a memorial event, I saw a bunch of alumni from my university dealing with grief. My friend remarked "Oh man, they are just like us, even years later. That's us." So pretty we observed that when it comes to strong life changing events and feelings, everyone is a child - no one knows the rules.
When it comes to romance, it's true - everything is like high school. It's all about who likes/loves you, and who has control...come to think of it, that is like war too - not the like/love part, but who has control (and who's side God is on). So pretty much I'm convinced...the older you are, the less you know - at least the less you know about big emotional humanizing situations.
Anyways, so here I am at 25 and I have been hit with a crush the likes of which have not been seen since high school.
HIGH SCHOOL.
Jesus...
It's the kind of dehabiilitating crush that takes your attention away from work, that has you spiraling unrealistic fantasies out of nothing like cotton candy, and causes you to plot far-fetched and non-economical plans to run into the person. Sheesh...I do not need this, although it is enjoyable.
I spent a good part of this afternoon (shhhh don't tell the boss) chatting via gmail with my friend from grad school about how she might be in love with her best friend. And I thought, "Honey, I've been there."
Honey, we've all been there.
In some ways, this is the biggest pickle of all (yes, I just said pickle). What do you do when you fall for a friend? Or work colleague? Or long lost acquaintance? When is it okay to cross the line to romance/fooling around/sleeping together?
Remember when you were in middle school and high school and kissing was enough...? Sadly, at twenty five it's not enough anymore, but I wouldn't mind some quality make-out time with no strings attached.
When it comes to romance, it's true - everything is like high school. It's all about who likes/loves you, and who has control...come to think of it, that is like war too - not the like/love part, but who has control (and who's side God is on). So pretty much I'm convinced...the older you are, the less you know - at least the less you know about big emotional humanizing situations.
Anyways, so here I am at 25 and I have been hit with a crush the likes of which have not been seen since high school.
HIGH SCHOOL.
Jesus...
It's the kind of dehabiilitating crush that takes your attention away from work, that has you spiraling unrealistic fantasies out of nothing like cotton candy, and causes you to plot far-fetched and non-economical plans to run into the person. Sheesh...I do not need this, although it is enjoyable.
I spent a good part of this afternoon (shhhh don't tell the boss) chatting via gmail with my friend from grad school about how she might be in love with her best friend. And I thought, "Honey, I've been there."
Honey, we've all been there.
In some ways, this is the biggest pickle of all (yes, I just said pickle). What do you do when you fall for a friend? Or work colleague? Or long lost acquaintance? When is it okay to cross the line to romance/fooling around/sleeping together?
Remember when you were in middle school and high school and kissing was enough...? Sadly, at twenty five it's not enough anymore, but I wouldn't mind some quality make-out time with no strings attached.
Monday, April 23, 2007
If I Gave This a Title Then It Would Be Awkward...
My weekend was a string of id driven impulses... When I was hungry I ate, when I wanted to lay in the park, I laid in the park. When I felt like I had to cry and laugh, I cried and laughed.
I went to a memorial for a famous design professor in the School of Drama. To say "professor" is not enough...terms like legend, the backbone of the program, the great one are more appropriate.
Seeing my former professors brought to tears as they talked about this man and the impact he had on their lives brought me to tears. To witness people who for several years have been your rocks, your challengers, your mentors go through so much emotion in a theatre filled with people is a very, very strange thing.
My advisor said he felt very privileged to have been asked to speak. I told him I felt very privileged to be able to help and support him when he was upset, because he had done it for me so many times.
This weekend was good and strange and difficult and eloquent... I think my life will always be filled with ambivalence and extremes - I witnessed how elegant and appropriate a memorial can be at a very intense world-class university, but I also saw a llama in a Steelers Jersey and a midget poured a shot in my mouth at the bar.
I went to a memorial for a famous design professor in the School of Drama. To say "professor" is not enough...terms like legend, the backbone of the program, the great one are more appropriate.
Seeing my former professors brought to tears as they talked about this man and the impact he had on their lives brought me to tears. To witness people who for several years have been your rocks, your challengers, your mentors go through so much emotion in a theatre filled with people is a very, very strange thing.
My advisor said he felt very privileged to have been asked to speak. I told him I felt very privileged to be able to help and support him when he was upset, because he had done it for me so many times.
This weekend was good and strange and difficult and eloquent... I think my life will always be filled with ambivalence and extremes - I witnessed how elegant and appropriate a memorial can be at a very intense world-class university, but I also saw a llama in a Steelers Jersey and a midget poured a shot in my mouth at the bar.
A page from a book - Eat, Pray, Love
A new definition of what soul mates are...hmmm...
"Your problem is you don't understand what the word means. People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that's holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave. And thank God for it. Your problem is you just can't let this one go. It's over...David's purpose was to shake you up, drive you out of that marriage that you needed to leave, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light could get in, make you so desparate and out of control that you had to change your life, introduce you to your spiritual master and then beat it."
"Your problem is you don't understand what the word means. People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that's holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave. And thank God for it. Your problem is you just can't let this one go. It's over...David's purpose was to shake you up, drive you out of that marriage that you needed to leave, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light could get in, make you so desparate and out of control that you had to change your life, introduce you to your spiritual master and then beat it."
Thursday, April 19, 2007
God Bless You Tax Return!
Thanks to my new job and my phatty tax return I can hypothetically be back in my "Savings Safe Zone" ie. $5K in a little over a month at which point I will hand over at least $2K for an apartment. Sigh, I do live for adventure at times, but I do really relish having "Oh SHIT" money. If something goes wrong or if I suddenly want to take a trip to Prague (and I do I really, really do want to go to Prague...) then I can do it.
Also new dating mantra....no fatties, no uggos, no baldies, and try to avoid "boys who might secretly be writing porno scores".
I want an IRA. Or start investing. I should probably stop buying so many shirts....
Also new dating mantra....no fatties, no uggos, no baldies, and try to avoid "boys who might secretly be writing porno scores".
I want an IRA. Or start investing. I should probably stop buying so many shirts....
My One True Love...
So in the midst of all my harmless crushes on dark haired boys with messy hair and and glasses (FYI these boys are everywhere - at your grocery store, on the subway, at your place of employment assisting famous directors, at Rudy's Bar and Grill in midtown) I thought about my one true love.
Is it:
That boy I dated for 3+ years?... No!!!
That friend I thought I was in love with off and on for a while?....NO!!!!
My grad school crush... HELL NO!
My first boyfriend....HELL NO x 2!!!!
My first love and true love is books! Now I know you are thinking "oh that nerdface" and that is A-OK by me. Because I still love books. Books don't let you down, there is the perfect book for every moment in your life. You learn from books. Books are harsh and kind depending on what you need.
Books are your friends when you are traveling by yourself. In fact, I like books so much that I even go into bookstores in foreign countries just to see that the country likes books too. So shut your hole and read a book - it will only make your life better.
I especially appreciate how certain books are extra special because of the point in your life when you read them....Some poignant, perfectly timed books in my life:
This Book Will Save Your Life- I was getting on the plane from London just after being broken up by a boy who had shown me an engagement ring...you do the math. A man reworks his entire life in this book ...oh...also it had pictures of donuts on the cover....you see, you see why I needed this book.
The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood-This is an excellent example of a book that wasn't even that good that I needed to read at the specific moment I read it. I read it my senior year of high school when I was having giant life decision type fights with my family. Now my mother was never an abusive southern alcoholic and I'm not a middle aged dysfunctional theatre director, but this book took hard relationships between mothers and daughters and beautiful language and mixed it up into a wonder gumbo of a story.
The Sound and the Fury- I love this book. I love Faulker. I get really mad at Faulkner sometimes, but we are still cool. (Also read during senior year of high school)
The Giver- I read it in elementary school and it has stayed with me for my entire life. I read this book something like 16 years ago....
Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason-Picture me 19 years of age, alone and in Ireland and Britain for 4 months. This book gave me a mirror for all my silly adventures.
Eat Pray Love- I'm in the middle of this book right now and I am savoring every moment of it.
There are more, but it is late, and I need to sleep because I have a To Do list and a half to take care of at work tomorrow.
Goodnight and thanks to Dave, Alex, and Rudy's Bar and Grill. Free hotdogs forever.
Is it:
That boy I dated for 3+ years?... No!!!
That friend I thought I was in love with off and on for a while?....NO!!!!
My grad school crush... HELL NO!
My first boyfriend....HELL NO x 2!!!!
My first love and true love is books! Now I know you are thinking "oh that nerdface" and that is A-OK by me. Because I still love books. Books don't let you down, there is the perfect book for every moment in your life. You learn from books. Books are harsh and kind depending on what you need.
Books are your friends when you are traveling by yourself. In fact, I like books so much that I even go into bookstores in foreign countries just to see that the country likes books too. So shut your hole and read a book - it will only make your life better.
I especially appreciate how certain books are extra special because of the point in your life when you read them....Some poignant, perfectly timed books in my life:
This Book Will Save Your Life- I was getting on the plane from London just after being broken up by a boy who had shown me an engagement ring...you do the math. A man reworks his entire life in this book ...oh...also it had pictures of donuts on the cover....you see, you see why I needed this book.
The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood-This is an excellent example of a book that wasn't even that good that I needed to read at the specific moment I read it. I read it my senior year of high school when I was having giant life decision type fights with my family. Now my mother was never an abusive southern alcoholic and I'm not a middle aged dysfunctional theatre director, but this book took hard relationships between mothers and daughters and beautiful language and mixed it up into a wonder gumbo of a story.
The Sound and the Fury- I love this book. I love Faulker. I get really mad at Faulkner sometimes, but we are still cool. (Also read during senior year of high school)
The Giver- I read it in elementary school and it has stayed with me for my entire life. I read this book something like 16 years ago....
Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason-Picture me 19 years of age, alone and in Ireland and Britain for 4 months. This book gave me a mirror for all my silly adventures.
Eat Pray Love- I'm in the middle of this book right now and I am savoring every moment of it.
There are more, but it is late, and I need to sleep because I have a To Do list and a half to take care of at work tomorrow.
Goodnight and thanks to Dave, Alex, and Rudy's Bar and Grill. Free hotdogs forever.
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Sometimes a Text is Just a Text
Today three strange men talked to me. And unfortunately, the first strange man motivated me to call this boy I met a few weeks ago and it ended up being just as awkward as the strange men. So in total, I had four extremely weird moments all involving men. The first was an older black man at the shops at Columbus Circle. He walked up to me, took one look at my giant yellow rain boots and the following dialogue occured:
Man: Those are some nice boots...man...where'd you get those boots?
Me: Huh?
Man: You got it goin' on! Those are some great boots.
Me: Er....
Man: You the prettiest girl I've seen all day...come here (**note: at this point I wasn't going near him, I was trying to get away, but the man steps up to me and takes my hand and kisses it) ...now you have a lovely evening.
Me: Gah! Huh?!?!
Ok! So that is weird and awkward conversation number one. Unfortunately, strange awkward conversation number one lead to strange awkward conversation number two...tonight, I had been planning to call a boy that I'd drunkenly hooked up with because, out of the blue, three weeks after the fact, he texts, and I answer with a text, and more texts ensued. The text messages were kind of inane, so I was confused and following the advice of a friend who said, "Jesus, just call the boy - either he wants to talk to you or he doesn't," I called the boy. For some reason after a strange older black man kissed my hand I thought "Whelp, seems like a perfect time to call strange younger white man!" And so began awkward conversation #2 - a brief section for your perusal:
Boy: So on top of all that, I'm writing the score for this porno-
Me: What? Crazy...well, you have to do it so you can put it on your resume.
Boy: This way, when I'm in a bar and someone asks me what I do, I can say "I write the score for porn."
Me: Yeah...there you go!
Boy: Well, it's not really hardcore, it's soft...and it's set in the twenties. This guy does this conceptual stuff, so yeah...it's kind of a silent movie porn and I'm writing the score. I mean this guy has done a lot of work, he's won- uh, he's done a bunch of things... I mean...
Me: You were going to say, "he's won a lot of porn awards, weren't you?"
Boy: Yeaaaaahh....
Me: So who gives these porn awards?
Boy: S and M magazines and things like that. I looked it up.
To make a long story short, nothing came of the phone conversation except that I learned about porn awards and how this boy apparently just got into text messaging, and basically that sometimes a text message is really just a text message.... I may have kind of over-analyzed that one.
The second encounter with a stranger was on the subway, but this one was kind of nice in that New York moment way....
(I sit down and start to read my new book Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert.)
Man: I just finished that book!
Me: Did you enjoy it?
Man: I loved it. It was recommended to me by a friend and...oh wait have you read any of it yet?
Me: Just a few pages.
(We ride a few stops...I pause and look at the signs)
Man: That book was completely different than I thought it would be. I thought it would just be a hoot, but it was so much more than that...I hope you enjoy it. (Man leaves train.)
So that encounter was fine. The third one occured at the grocery store in Bedford-Stuyvesant.
Man: So how are you with your cheeses?
Me: What?!?
Man: I need to find the ricotta...for my stuffed shells see.... (gestures to pasta in basket) but I can't find the ricotta.
Me: Oh...there it is! You can mix herbs in it for flavor.
Man: I know, I already got the parsley.
The man proceeds to tell me about what might be his two famous dishes - his stuffed shells and some sort of spinach pie - had this man not been such a queen, I might have wondered if he was hitting on me.
Sigh....another day in my life.
Still to come:
Pulitzer Prizes
Irony
Optimism in extreme situations
Where I should live in New York and why
I know...you can't wait....
Man: Those are some nice boots...man...where'd you get those boots?
Me: Huh?
Man: You got it goin' on! Those are some great boots.
Me: Er....
Man: You the prettiest girl I've seen all day...come here (**note: at this point I wasn't going near him, I was trying to get away, but the man steps up to me and takes my hand and kisses it) ...now you have a lovely evening.
Me: Gah! Huh?!?!
Ok! So that is weird and awkward conversation number one. Unfortunately, strange awkward conversation number one lead to strange awkward conversation number two...tonight, I had been planning to call a boy that I'd drunkenly hooked up with because, out of the blue, three weeks after the fact, he texts, and I answer with a text, and more texts ensued. The text messages were kind of inane, so I was confused and following the advice of a friend who said, "Jesus, just call the boy - either he wants to talk to you or he doesn't," I called the boy. For some reason after a strange older black man kissed my hand I thought "Whelp, seems like a perfect time to call strange younger white man!" And so began awkward conversation #2 - a brief section for your perusal:
Boy: So on top of all that, I'm writing the score for this porno-
Me: What? Crazy...well, you have to do it so you can put it on your resume.
Boy: This way, when I'm in a bar and someone asks me what I do, I can say "I write the score for porn."
Me: Yeah...there you go!
Boy: Well, it's not really hardcore, it's soft...and it's set in the twenties. This guy does this conceptual stuff, so yeah...it's kind of a silent movie porn and I'm writing the score. I mean this guy has done a lot of work, he's won- uh, he's done a bunch of things... I mean...
Me: You were going to say, "he's won a lot of porn awards, weren't you?"
Boy: Yeaaaaahh....
Me: So who gives these porn awards?
Boy: S and M magazines and things like that. I looked it up.
To make a long story short, nothing came of the phone conversation except that I learned about porn awards and how this boy apparently just got into text messaging, and basically that sometimes a text message is really just a text message.... I may have kind of over-analyzed that one.
The second encounter with a stranger was on the subway, but this one was kind of nice in that New York moment way....
(I sit down and start to read my new book Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert.)
Man: I just finished that book!
Me: Did you enjoy it?
Man: I loved it. It was recommended to me by a friend and...oh wait have you read any of it yet?
Me: Just a few pages.
(We ride a few stops...I pause and look at the signs)
Man: That book was completely different than I thought it would be. I thought it would just be a hoot, but it was so much more than that...I hope you enjoy it. (Man leaves train.)
So that encounter was fine. The third one occured at the grocery store in Bedford-Stuyvesant.
Man: So how are you with your cheeses?
Me: What?!?
Man: I need to find the ricotta...for my stuffed shells see.... (gestures to pasta in basket) but I can't find the ricotta.
Me: Oh...there it is! You can mix herbs in it for flavor.
Man: I know, I already got the parsley.
The man proceeds to tell me about what might be his two famous dishes - his stuffed shells and some sort of spinach pie - had this man not been such a queen, I might have wondered if he was hitting on me.
Sigh....another day in my life.
Still to come:
Pulitzer Prizes
Irony
Optimism in extreme situations
Where I should live in New York and why
I know...you can't wait....
Thursday, April 12, 2007
Blackbird
Tonight I saw Blackbird, winner of the 2007 Olivier Award for Best New Play. Written by the charming David Harrower, the MTC production stars Alison Pill and Jeff Daniels. This play is hard to watch. This play is amazing. These performers are working - anyone who thinks being an actor isn't a real job needs to see this play. You could easily dismiss this show as "that pedophilia play" but Benjamin Brantley of the New York Times (bless him and his wonderful review - MTC broke a daily wrap record today!) says "you have to accept it as a love story — a tragic, horrible love story that destroys lives, but a love story all the same" and he is right.
Now I have never ever been in a situation like the one presented in Blackbird but I related to both characters and I understood their motivations because it really is a love story. Anyone who has been in a relationship that ended will understand something about these characters - the need to deconstruct, revisit, and try and figure out what happened in the past.
This show has been getting strong reviews and as a result tickets are moving fast. I went through my first quote meeting and experience of running around getting hard copies of reviews at 8:30 in the morning from various Hudson News stands.
I was proud to have contributed to this show in some way, even if it was fixing a printing problem for various flyers and making sure the PLAYBILL looked right. I helped. :)
Now I have never ever been in a situation like the one presented in Blackbird but I related to both characters and I understood their motivations because it really is a love story. Anyone who has been in a relationship that ended will understand something about these characters - the need to deconstruct, revisit, and try and figure out what happened in the past.
This show has been getting strong reviews and as a result tickets are moving fast. I went through my first quote meeting and experience of running around getting hard copies of reviews at 8:30 in the morning from various Hudson News stands.
I was proud to have contributed to this show in some way, even if it was fixing a printing problem for various flyers and making sure the PLAYBILL looked right. I helped. :)
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
short and sweet.
All I've wanted to do lately is write...and read, but mostly write. Sadly, it's been a long day and I can't write without sacrificing my productivity at the first quote day. As a result, you get a list of things....
1. The celebrities at the opening night tonight were Nathan Lane, Anna Paquin, and Kieran Culkin.....they seemed small somehow. Oh well. I ran into Kieran's friend... that was the extent of contact. I also saw David Harrower, the playwright.
2. Orginally I planned on going to the show tonight but then I drank and kicked it with some coworkers instead....long story short...these MTC peeps will definitely be a good time.
3. I think...I don't know...but a flirtation began with a boy....it was interesting...curious if it is in my head or real... fun though.
4. I'm kind of loving my job. I feel like I only know what is going on 1/2 the time, so I'm just glad I haven't been fired.
Oh man...so much more to write about.....
relationships
perception of things
space age hair products (shut up, you'll understand later)
freedom
sadness
the replacement by fat norwegian girls.
peace yo.
1. The celebrities at the opening night tonight were Nathan Lane, Anna Paquin, and Kieran Culkin.....they seemed small somehow. Oh well. I ran into Kieran's friend... that was the extent of contact. I also saw David Harrower, the playwright.
2. Orginally I planned on going to the show tonight but then I drank and kicked it with some coworkers instead....long story short...these MTC peeps will definitely be a good time.
3. I think...I don't know...but a flirtation began with a boy....it was interesting...curious if it is in my head or real... fun though.
4. I'm kind of loving my job. I feel like I only know what is going on 1/2 the time, so I'm just glad I haven't been fired.
Oh man...so much more to write about.....
relationships
perception of things
space age hair products (shut up, you'll understand later)
freedom
sadness
the replacement by fat norwegian girls.
peace yo.
Monday, April 9, 2007
Materiality.
She bought the dress because it represented the persona she wanted to project. She bought the dress in the hope that by wearing it she would become the person who should be wearing such a dress - a person who didn't dwell on the past, who didn't stumble over words when she was nervous, a woman who walked easily and stridently in heels.
The girl - yes at 25 she still felt like a girl - bought the dress because it reminded her of 1930s starlets who dangerously charmed men and were all eyes as they lit their cigarettes. The girl didn't smoke- and frankly, there was nowhere left to smoke in New York - but when she looked at the dress she heard the sound of matches striking and sultry jazz and in the lingering whispers of her daydream she could believe that anything was possible in that dress.
The girl - yes at 25 she still felt like a girl - bought the dress because it reminded her of 1930s starlets who dangerously charmed men and were all eyes as they lit their cigarettes. The girl didn't smoke- and frankly, there was nowhere left to smoke in New York - but when she looked at the dress she heard the sound of matches striking and sultry jazz and in the lingering whispers of her daydream she could believe that anything was possible in that dress.
Saturday, April 7, 2007
This is important because...
At one point today I started to think about what motivates me to succeed in life. Recently, I'd had a conversation with my boss about my mom and her influence in my life. Then yesterday I had a conversation with a friend about my childhood. Needless to say both of these things made me think about my family and how they shaped me...
There is a really incredible speech in the play Frost/Nixon (the play was that good - I'm still talking about it in my blog) that Nixon has where he talks about never being able to escape your roots - even if you surpass every expectation and assumption associated with where you began - if your beginnings aren't stellar, you will never escape it. I realized that I understood this speech and in some ways I realized how AMAZING my family was at widening my view of the world. My mom will give me a bunch of credit for getting myself where I am, but they must have done something right.
Let me tell you about Center Line, Michigan. A small suburb poised on the edge of Detroit, it is a mile by a mile and three quarters square. Back when I was elementary and middle school, I knew Center Line families: families with lots of children or cousins - lots of people were related and it had a certain sense of community.
There were gangs in my middle school and at times the whole situation was pretty grim. I did a lot of things outside of school and while I was in school I was pretty bored and unhappy. Then I went to Roeper for high school and everything changed.
Many of the people I went to elementary and middle school with are married and have lots of kids. They still live right around the same area where we grew up and frankly I can't relate to their lives. Of course, these are the people that I never really felt like I could relate to anyways. And that isn't to say that one life choice is better than the other, they are just different.
However, being from Center Line and Warren (Warren is the suburb that completely encompasses the suburb of Center Line and is larger and more recognizable) has it's stigma. FYI, Marshall Mathers aka Eminem is also from Warren. The area of South Warren which encompasses 10 mile to the infamous 8 mile is often referred to as "Warren-tucky." It is not a pretty area to say the least. My father actually grew up in this part of town, but considering he was born in 1923 you can guess that things changed a great deal. This area of East Detroit Metro comes with assumptions. Once I was on a plane ride to New York when the man next to me asked what I did in New York. At this time I was writing grants and managing the fundraising for Queens Council on the Arts. I told him about my job and he asked me where I went to school. I told him that I went to Carnegie Mellon and he congratulated me. "Tough school" he said, "Good for you." Then he asked me where I went to high school. When I said Roeper he complimented the school. My high school came with a repuation of it's own...sometimes good, sometimes bad. Then he asked me where I lived. When I told him Center Line he scoffed and said "How'd you pull that one off?" This made me incredibly angry. Where I lived underminded the accomplishments he had just praised.
I understand that speech in Frost/Nixon and I understand why I can't just do well, I have to do amazing sometimes if I can. I have more to say about this subject, but I'm exhausted....
There is a really incredible speech in the play Frost/Nixon (the play was that good - I'm still talking about it in my blog) that Nixon has where he talks about never being able to escape your roots - even if you surpass every expectation and assumption associated with where you began - if your beginnings aren't stellar, you will never escape it. I realized that I understood this speech and in some ways I realized how AMAZING my family was at widening my view of the world. My mom will give me a bunch of credit for getting myself where I am, but they must have done something right.
Let me tell you about Center Line, Michigan. A small suburb poised on the edge of Detroit, it is a mile by a mile and three quarters square. Back when I was elementary and middle school, I knew Center Line families: families with lots of children or cousins - lots of people were related and it had a certain sense of community.
There were gangs in my middle school and at times the whole situation was pretty grim. I did a lot of things outside of school and while I was in school I was pretty bored and unhappy. Then I went to Roeper for high school and everything changed.
Many of the people I went to elementary and middle school with are married and have lots of kids. They still live right around the same area where we grew up and frankly I can't relate to their lives. Of course, these are the people that I never really felt like I could relate to anyways. And that isn't to say that one life choice is better than the other, they are just different.
However, being from Center Line and Warren (Warren is the suburb that completely encompasses the suburb of Center Line and is larger and more recognizable) has it's stigma. FYI, Marshall Mathers aka Eminem is also from Warren. The area of South Warren which encompasses 10 mile to the infamous 8 mile is often referred to as "Warren-tucky." It is not a pretty area to say the least. My father actually grew up in this part of town, but considering he was born in 1923 you can guess that things changed a great deal. This area of East Detroit Metro comes with assumptions. Once I was on a plane ride to New York when the man next to me asked what I did in New York. At this time I was writing grants and managing the fundraising for Queens Council on the Arts. I told him about my job and he asked me where I went to school. I told him that I went to Carnegie Mellon and he congratulated me. "Tough school" he said, "Good for you." Then he asked me where I went to high school. When I said Roeper he complimented the school. My high school came with a repuation of it's own...sometimes good, sometimes bad. Then he asked me where I lived. When I told him Center Line he scoffed and said "How'd you pull that one off?" This made me incredibly angry. Where I lived underminded the accomplishments he had just praised.
I understand that speech in Frost/Nixon and I understand why I can't just do well, I have to do amazing sometimes if I can. I have more to say about this subject, but I'm exhausted....
Friday, April 6, 2007
Thoughts but fast since it is late.
1. I have spent hours dealing with photos and facts about composer Kurt Weill today.
2. I really really need to do laundry.
3. I need to find a gala dress and fast.
4. I have overbooked myself solidly this weekend but with all fun things.
5. Doing my taxes seemed too easy.
6. I really like some of my new friends of late.
7. I can't cut coffee out of my life right now.
8. I can't work any other jobs for at least 3 months until I figure out the job I have.
9. Life is surprisingly positive all things considered.
10. I think soy products expand right after you eat them turning your stomach into a war zone...mmmmm zen palate. Oh belly ache.
2. I really really need to do laundry.
3. I need to find a gala dress and fast.
4. I have overbooked myself solidly this weekend but with all fun things.
5. Doing my taxes seemed too easy.
6. I really like some of my new friends of late.
7. I can't cut coffee out of my life right now.
8. I can't work any other jobs for at least 3 months until I figure out the job I have.
9. Life is surprisingly positive all things considered.
10. I think soy products expand right after you eat them turning your stomach into a war zone...mmmmm zen palate. Oh belly ache.
Wednesday, April 4, 2007
Also a real offer on a place to live...
It looks like it may be Astoria with Christina and Scott. They said I could have parties and be obsessive compulsive about cleaning. Nice.
Frost/Nixon
...or why I think theater or theatre (whatever floats your boat) is a powerful medium.
Oh Frank Langella that was a lovely show.
Tomorrow I see curtains.
I need a new thing to watch...someone said baseball season started...
Seriously there is a full out Yankees vs. Mets showdown in my very own office.
AND today, I met with Hal Prince. He told me my exhibit looked lovely, offered to help me carry a portfolio of archival photos and then immediately told his assistant to "do something useful" and handed it to him. But still...my boss said "Who else can say 'It's my second week of work and I'm meeting with Hal Prince." Sigh....this job ain't too shabby...
I do fear that someday soon my co-worker Tom and I might be rocking the showtunes on the piano tipsy at a work party...why do I fear this...because he has in the past and we are going to be partners in crime, and frankly that latent musical theatre kid from the early 90s is probably going to rear it's ugly head soon....I fear for MTC.
Oh Frank Langella that was a lovely show.
Tomorrow I see curtains.
I need a new thing to watch...someone said baseball season started...
Seriously there is a full out Yankees vs. Mets showdown in my very own office.
AND today, I met with Hal Prince. He told me my exhibit looked lovely, offered to help me carry a portfolio of archival photos and then immediately told his assistant to "do something useful" and handed it to him. But still...my boss said "Who else can say 'It's my second week of work and I'm meeting with Hal Prince." Sigh....this job ain't too shabby...
I do fear that someday soon my co-worker Tom and I might be rocking the showtunes on the piano tipsy at a work party...why do I fear this...because he has in the past and we are going to be partners in crime, and frankly that latent musical theatre kid from the early 90s is probably going to rear it's ugly head soon....I fear for MTC.
Tuesday, April 3, 2007
What I've been doing when I'm not at work...
Sadly or maybe inevitably...I see theater and art and music. This week mostly theater...
A quick rundown:
Encores! Face the Music at City Center
Guttenburg the Musical!
Edward Scissorhands the Ballet at BAM
Serendib at Ensemble Studio Theatre
The Trachtenburg Family Slideshow Players/Corn Mo at The Canal Room
What I would have liked to have seen:
Propellor Company's Taming of the Shrew at BAM
Mika performing at any venue - he was at a few
Face the Music was a staging of a forgotten musical score that hasn't been performed for over 75 years. The score is not amazing, but the Encores! Project is. The show had some excellent tap dancing and a song called "I Say It's Spinach (And the Hell With It" so really considering I saw it for free - not too shabby. FYI when I was first offered the tickets to something with the title Face the Music for a second I was thought "MTV?" but no, definitely NOT MTV.
Guttenburg the Musical! was a show about two men who wrote a musical about Johann Guttenburg and wanted to get the show on Broadway. If you are thinking that sounds silly - it was, but in a completely fabulous way. The singing dead baby who died because his mother could not read and fed him jelly beans thinking they were medicine was only the beginning. I very much enjoyed this one-trick pony show, because the one trick was executed in an excellent fashion over and over again. FYI, when I first heard about the show I was really really hoping it was about Steve Guttenberg the 80s movie star, because THAT would be ridiculous.
Edward Scissorhands was disappointing but I was still glad I saw it because of a few wonderful set/costume moments. I'm sleepy so I'm not going into these right now.
Serendib was a show I saw because I knew the director, costume designer, lighting designer, producing manager, set designer, and paint charge working on the show. Us CMU kids we get around. The show was actually quite good - it is part of the Sloan Foundation's project to support new shows written about science and technology. This was a show about a Sri Lankan monkey research project, but really it was about people as well - as most plays are. It had puppet monkeys that were really well designed and used. The set was a really good use of the space as well. It was an enjoyable story and I am curious how it will tighten up over the next few weeks. New plays can be very tough, but this one had a very good creative team! I know, I've worked with all of them. :)
The Trachtenburg Family Slideshow Players and Corn Mo were different. Corn Mo was the opening act - he is from Dallas and is kind of what I think Mitch Hedberg would have sounded like if he'd sang more songs. Charming rambling combined with slightly silly piano songs proved to be a good mix. Corn Mo also played the accordion and sang one of the Italian arias from the 18 Italian Songs book that everyone who has ever taken voice lessons has. He also did a rockin' cover of Queen's "We are the Champions". The Trachtenburg Family Slideshow Players are a group of 3 bookish siblings that have collected slides from estate sales, garage sales, thrift shops, etc. and create songs based on the slides themselves. They did manage to get some kind of McDonald's corporate slide set from the 1970s which was pretty amazing. I think the IDEA of their band is great and they have the same "girl playing drums wistfully" schtick that the White Stripes used early on, but the execution could be better. I guess what I am saying is that if the execution had been more polished and the jokes a little tighter, I would have warmed up to it. I think that when you do go to school for theater you stop tolerating certain things that probably don't bother other people. These three siblings are also very hipster-y and sometimes I get a little bit hipstered out. But that all being said I LOVE THE IDEA of a slideshow band.
On Thursday I am seeing Curtains and sometime this weekend I will try and see Blackbird at MTC (where I work!). It's not really an Easter weekend play, but I figure I will fill the rest of the weekend with feeding Adam's cats while he is gone, museums, shopping, and Easter Sunday brunch with people who are Jewish.
Peace Yo.
A quick rundown:
Encores! Face the Music at City Center
Guttenburg the Musical!
Edward Scissorhands the Ballet at BAM
Serendib at Ensemble Studio Theatre
The Trachtenburg Family Slideshow Players/Corn Mo at The Canal Room
What I would have liked to have seen:
Propellor Company's Taming of the Shrew at BAM
Mika performing at any venue - he was at a few
Face the Music was a staging of a forgotten musical score that hasn't been performed for over 75 years. The score is not amazing, but the Encores! Project is. The show had some excellent tap dancing and a song called "I Say It's Spinach (And the Hell With It" so really considering I saw it for free - not too shabby. FYI when I was first offered the tickets to something with the title Face the Music for a second I was thought "MTV?" but no, definitely NOT MTV.
Guttenburg the Musical! was a show about two men who wrote a musical about Johann Guttenburg and wanted to get the show on Broadway. If you are thinking that sounds silly - it was, but in a completely fabulous way. The singing dead baby who died because his mother could not read and fed him jelly beans thinking they were medicine was only the beginning. I very much enjoyed this one-trick pony show, because the one trick was executed in an excellent fashion over and over again. FYI, when I first heard about the show I was really really hoping it was about Steve Guttenberg the 80s movie star, because THAT would be ridiculous.
Edward Scissorhands was disappointing but I was still glad I saw it because of a few wonderful set/costume moments. I'm sleepy so I'm not going into these right now.
Serendib was a show I saw because I knew the director, costume designer, lighting designer, producing manager, set designer, and paint charge working on the show. Us CMU kids we get around. The show was actually quite good - it is part of the Sloan Foundation's project to support new shows written about science and technology. This was a show about a Sri Lankan monkey research project, but really it was about people as well - as most plays are. It had puppet monkeys that were really well designed and used. The set was a really good use of the space as well. It was an enjoyable story and I am curious how it will tighten up over the next few weeks. New plays can be very tough, but this one had a very good creative team! I know, I've worked with all of them. :)
The Trachtenburg Family Slideshow Players and Corn Mo were different. Corn Mo was the opening act - he is from Dallas and is kind of what I think Mitch Hedberg would have sounded like if he'd sang more songs. Charming rambling combined with slightly silly piano songs proved to be a good mix. Corn Mo also played the accordion and sang one of the Italian arias from the 18 Italian Songs book that everyone who has ever taken voice lessons has. He also did a rockin' cover of Queen's "We are the Champions". The Trachtenburg Family Slideshow Players are a group of 3 bookish siblings that have collected slides from estate sales, garage sales, thrift shops, etc. and create songs based on the slides themselves. They did manage to get some kind of McDonald's corporate slide set from the 1970s which was pretty amazing. I think the IDEA of their band is great and they have the same "girl playing drums wistfully" schtick that the White Stripes used early on, but the execution could be better. I guess what I am saying is that if the execution had been more polished and the jokes a little tighter, I would have warmed up to it. I think that when you do go to school for theater you stop tolerating certain things that probably don't bother other people. These three siblings are also very hipster-y and sometimes I get a little bit hipstered out. But that all being said I LOVE THE IDEA of a slideshow band.
On Thursday I am seeing Curtains and sometime this weekend I will try and see Blackbird at MTC (where I work!). It's not really an Easter weekend play, but I figure I will fill the rest of the weekend with feeding Adam's cats while he is gone, museums, shopping, and Easter Sunday brunch with people who are Jewish.
Peace Yo.
Monday, April 2, 2007
OKAY it's ON!
OK everybody. It is TIME. It is time to take charge of MY LIFE. Here's the score... I gave myself time to be unhappy and confused and stupid over the last month or so. I did all the stupid things you do when your life goes haywire. I now know what it is like to fall in love and have it crumble and I now know that you can start over again, that friends are really great, and that the phoenix really does rise out of the ashes. So yes it's time to take charge.
I have a great new job. This job can open doors for me, because it already is. Right now, this job and doing as amazingly as I can while I am working is a very high priority.
I am done with the stupidity of the last two weekends. I am picking myself up off the ground, brushing off the dirt, and starting with a clean slate.
What does that REALLY mean?
1. I need to find a home in New York. I want an apartment. I want a space to decorate and call my own and put things in. I want to have a place I come home to because it is MINE. Now realistically this cannot happen for a few months and I may spend some time subletting this summer. But I cannot be a nomad for much longer...I have been a nomad in two different countries for almost a year. I have not lived in one space longer than a year in six years. I am at a point where I need this kind of stability.
2. I need normal sleeping hours. I want to get up early. I want to wake up and not feel like I want three more hours of sleep.
3. I want to pay off my credit debt which is not astronomical, but I want to pay it down.
4. I do NOT want to let myself get really drunk so I don't know what is going on. It is not good for my mind or my body.
5. I want to take dance classes or maybe some sort of theatre classes.
6. I am going to take the time to figure out what kind of person I would like to share my life with. I am going to appreciate my friends because they are the people I am sharing my life with.
7. I am going to start investing in things. I will invest money, effort, and time into the things I want to accomplish.
This is the BEGINNING of the next stage of my life.
I want it to be awesome.
I have a great new job. This job can open doors for me, because it already is. Right now, this job and doing as amazingly as I can while I am working is a very high priority.
I am done with the stupidity of the last two weekends. I am picking myself up off the ground, brushing off the dirt, and starting with a clean slate.
What does that REALLY mean?
1. I need to find a home in New York. I want an apartment. I want a space to decorate and call my own and put things in. I want to have a place I come home to because it is MINE. Now realistically this cannot happen for a few months and I may spend some time subletting this summer. But I cannot be a nomad for much longer...I have been a nomad in two different countries for almost a year. I have not lived in one space longer than a year in six years. I am at a point where I need this kind of stability.
2. I need normal sleeping hours. I want to get up early. I want to wake up and not feel like I want three more hours of sleep.
3. I want to pay off my credit debt which is not astronomical, but I want to pay it down.
4. I do NOT want to let myself get really drunk so I don't know what is going on. It is not good for my mind or my body.
5. I want to take dance classes or maybe some sort of theatre classes.
6. I am going to take the time to figure out what kind of person I would like to share my life with. I am going to appreciate my friends because they are the people I am sharing my life with.
7. I am going to start investing in things. I will invest money, effort, and time into the things I want to accomplish.
This is the BEGINNING of the next stage of my life.
I want it to be awesome.
Sunday, April 1, 2007
Trash trash and more trash!
I did a strike for a show today and threw out many many useful things. It's very frustrating to realize how many things just get thrown out that could so easily become functional items for other people. I mean trash picking is not glamourous but it is cheap and helps cut down on the sheer mass of waste. I tried to leave the useful items in an open bag that wasn't a trash bagso perhaps someone would see them and give them a new home. I considered keeping the items or trying to donate them to theatres but I already had to carry a suitcase and a laundry bag full of items I need to return to various sources, and could not physically carry any more stuff on the subway. Actually I could if I had a big backpack...but I didn't. I also don't really have a real home yet, so that is awkward and probably not a good idea for me to be building up a stockpile of "things that might make good props someday oneday who knows...?"
Sigh. I'm glad this show is over for a number of reasons:
1. I was getting ridiculous notes to take care of and trying to juggle my new job.
2. I had to deal with decisions like "Do I want to see my ex-boyfriends parents since they are apparently going to the closing show that I was going to go to?" This decision became a moot point when the ATM decided to eat both my check and my debit card leaving me to deal with the bank for a 1/2 hour on the phone at 10:00 on a Saturday night...my deposit was made, and I get to pick up my debit card at the bank tomorrow morning...yay Wamu bank.
3. How do I deal with my first one night stand - ie. we had the sex and now I have to decide if I want it to go anywhere or if I just leave it be...
4. Communication was not at it's best within the team.
5. Getting paid at real job, not so much at this one.
STILL, it was a fabulous experience and I got to meet a ton of new people especially Ali whom I hope will stick around.
I ran into a friend from college in the subway and he picked me up and spun me around which made me chuckle. I like that New York is kind of like a giant playground and I get to run into people I know randomly all the time - from high school, college, internships, etc. It's good because it seems like if you meet someone and connect with them they don't really necessarily leave your life.....it's bad when you look like poo and feel like poo and don't want to see anybody.
I've been seeing a great deal of theatre lately mostly for free which is one of the perks of working in theatre - you get comp tickets every hour. I paid quite a bit to see the Edward Scissorhands ballet which was not amazing overall but had five or six design moments that were gorgeous. There was a part when Edward and Kim are dancing in the topiary garden and in a blackout the set changed to a bunch of semi-human looking topiaries and then they started to dance! The costumes were so good and the people so still that at first I really didn't know if they were props or people. It was pretty amazing. At the end fake snow also sprayed into the audience and hundreds of little children gasped in amazement which was a beautiful little "this is why I work in this industry" sound. Of course, after striking today and creating lots of trash, I grumble at the tons of wasted fake snow....
I'm sad because two people I know in New York broke up and I really like both of them, but I'm really only connected to one of them in a logical fashion. I also really thought they were a lovely and supportive couple. My beliefs in love have really taken a kick in the ribs. So sad. I think the only thing to do is eat some food before I have to go to the Carnegie Club tonight for a work event and schmooze with the patrons.
Must find dressy outfit to wear and possibly return a ridiculous purse I bought. I was trying to buy grown up clothes, but a purse...that's impossible for me to like unless it has dots on it or something or maybe a picture of a monkey.
Sigh. I'm glad this show is over for a number of reasons:
1. I was getting ridiculous notes to take care of and trying to juggle my new job.
2. I had to deal with decisions like "Do I want to see my ex-boyfriends parents since they are apparently going to the closing show that I was going to go to?" This decision became a moot point when the ATM decided to eat both my check and my debit card leaving me to deal with the bank for a 1/2 hour on the phone at 10:00 on a Saturday night...my deposit was made, and I get to pick up my debit card at the bank tomorrow morning...yay Wamu bank.
3. How do I deal with my first one night stand - ie. we had the sex and now I have to decide if I want it to go anywhere or if I just leave it be...
4. Communication was not at it's best within the team.
5. Getting paid at real job, not so much at this one.
STILL, it was a fabulous experience and I got to meet a ton of new people especially Ali whom I hope will stick around.
I ran into a friend from college in the subway and he picked me up and spun me around which made me chuckle. I like that New York is kind of like a giant playground and I get to run into people I know randomly all the time - from high school, college, internships, etc. It's good because it seems like if you meet someone and connect with them they don't really necessarily leave your life.....it's bad when you look like poo and feel like poo and don't want to see anybody.
I've been seeing a great deal of theatre lately mostly for free which is one of the perks of working in theatre - you get comp tickets every hour. I paid quite a bit to see the Edward Scissorhands ballet which was not amazing overall but had five or six design moments that were gorgeous. There was a part when Edward and Kim are dancing in the topiary garden and in a blackout the set changed to a bunch of semi-human looking topiaries and then they started to dance! The costumes were so good and the people so still that at first I really didn't know if they were props or people. It was pretty amazing. At the end fake snow also sprayed into the audience and hundreds of little children gasped in amazement which was a beautiful little "this is why I work in this industry" sound. Of course, after striking today and creating lots of trash, I grumble at the tons of wasted fake snow....
I'm sad because two people I know in New York broke up and I really like both of them, but I'm really only connected to one of them in a logical fashion. I also really thought they were a lovely and supportive couple. My beliefs in love have really taken a kick in the ribs. So sad. I think the only thing to do is eat some food before I have to go to the Carnegie Club tonight for a work event and schmooze with the patrons.
Must find dressy outfit to wear and possibly return a ridiculous purse I bought. I was trying to buy grown up clothes, but a purse...that's impossible for me to like unless it has dots on it or something or maybe a picture of a monkey.
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Possibility might be the sexiest thing of all.
Yep. I really am moving on.
I kind of love my job. I kind of made some mistakes today, but people were still nice and no one freaked out.
Plus we get more opportunities to change the PLAYBILL.
I have talked to my ex boyfriend - you know the one that I think logically I am supposed to hate - for two days online. Weird. I think it's weird. I don't think I should be, but it's very easy and there is a whole friendship set of rules already established.
I need to deal with this weird man/boy situation I got myself in this weekend. It could go in many directions. Hmmmm much too soon to deal with actual dating. I think I need to eat pasta...that is the best solution. Definitely learned about situations I don't want to be in, and some that I would really like to be in again.
I wanted to buy a purse. I looked online. I found the purse I wanted. I really liked it. I went to the store where the purse is supposed to be. The purse wasn't there. Apparently the patterns get changed every month. I really really liked it. I don't think I can have it. It is sad.
An old school roller skating rink is closing soon in Brooklyn. I want to go and skate middle school style and hot damn, I want to wear an outfit. Historically accurate skating outfit of course.
PASTA.
I kind of love my job. I kind of made some mistakes today, but people were still nice and no one freaked out.
Plus we get more opportunities to change the PLAYBILL.
I have talked to my ex boyfriend - you know the one that I think logically I am supposed to hate - for two days online. Weird. I think it's weird. I don't think I should be, but it's very easy and there is a whole friendship set of rules already established.
I need to deal with this weird man/boy situation I got myself in this weekend. It could go in many directions. Hmmmm much too soon to deal with actual dating. I think I need to eat pasta...that is the best solution. Definitely learned about situations I don't want to be in, and some that I would really like to be in again.
I wanted to buy a purse. I looked online. I found the purse I wanted. I really liked it. I went to the store where the purse is supposed to be. The purse wasn't there. Apparently the patterns get changed every month. I really really liked it. I don't think I can have it. It is sad.
An old school roller skating rink is closing soon in Brooklyn. I want to go and skate middle school style and hot damn, I want to wear an outfit. Historically accurate skating outfit of course.
PASTA.
Friday, March 23, 2007
Other job perks...
Reading scripts!
Other things...
Grey's Anatomy is addicting but emotionally makes you feel like poo. POO. And yet I still keep watching...
I've been trying to write some fiction short stuff, but it is definitely not for this blog.
I also was trying to write a bit of an essay about friendship and love but it got murky in a "what was my thesis in this essay way" so I let it go....This was a while ago and I just found it. Probably shouldn't have had a few glasses of wine and THEN tried to write.
I still have a growing list of screenplay ideas....someday friend.
Other things...
Grey's Anatomy is addicting but emotionally makes you feel like poo. POO. And yet I still keep watching...
I've been trying to write some fiction short stuff, but it is definitely not for this blog.
I also was trying to write a bit of an essay about friendship and love but it got murky in a "what was my thesis in this essay way" so I let it go....This was a while ago and I just found it. Probably shouldn't have had a few glasses of wine and THEN tried to write.
I still have a growing list of screenplay ideas....someday friend.
I officially work on Broadway.
I started my new job today which was pretty great to tell the truth. I enjoy my fellow marketing associate - he is just the right mix of helpful, funny, and snarky sarcasm that makes the day go smoothly. And it was pleasant to realize that tons of people were coming by to meet me and that my bio had been circulating around already for a few days. There certainly is a difference between a nearly $30 million organization and a just over a million one. I'm getting excited about the things that I will get to be involved in.
Here is a short list:
ads
Playbills
photo shoots for ads and various press needs (read: famous people!)
videos
large scale advertising
press editing
copy editing
marketing material maitenance
special events
photographing new displays for new shows to document it
A bit art direction (woot!)
The good thing is that with three theaters I get to leave the office a lot. I also get to leave to go to the ad agency, the press agency, the display printers, etc. etc. BUT we have interns! I can ask them to get me lunch (I probably won't though...but I will ask them to make me copies!). I think they are only slightly younger than me, poor girls.
I've also learned about the "show downs" with the general management department. However what I know is that I am the QUEEN of department showdowns....not winning them necessarily, but getting through them...the nicer you are (nice but firm) the better. Anyways, I can photoshop and work illustrator at high speed which impressed many...thank you Parsons School of Design where that whole skill set started.
After work I then ran to the theatre I did props for to fix something and sadly accidently got superglue all over my hand which made me really uncomfortable, but most of it seems to be gone now. Eeeeeeeck. No fun there.
Now I make pasta and sit around the apartment in my superman underwear and a t shirt because I am the only one here through MONDAY. AWESOME. However sitting on a wicker chair with no real pants is a really stupid idea because now I'm afraid I'm going to have funny patterns on my legs for the rest of my life.
So yeah, I'm still going through stuff about boys. But the good news is, I took the initiative and asked someone I find attractive to go to a party with me...we'll see how it pans out or if he bails, but the text message I got was great. Anyways...I'm starting to move on I guess.
I've been listening to this song by Mika a lot that is about break ups/sad relationship things...the lyrics are sad but the melody is less so and it has a gospel choir in it, which is kind of great.
I like things that are kind of wonderful, beautiful and ridiculous all at once.
Here is a short list:
ads
Playbills
photo shoots for ads and various press needs (read: famous people!)
videos
large scale advertising
press editing
copy editing
marketing material maitenance
special events
photographing new displays for new shows to document it
A bit art direction (woot!)
The good thing is that with three theaters I get to leave the office a lot. I also get to leave to go to the ad agency, the press agency, the display printers, etc. etc. BUT we have interns! I can ask them to get me lunch (I probably won't though...but I will ask them to make me copies!). I think they are only slightly younger than me, poor girls.
I've also learned about the "show downs" with the general management department. However what I know is that I am the QUEEN of department showdowns....not winning them necessarily, but getting through them...the nicer you are (nice but firm) the better. Anyways, I can photoshop and work illustrator at high speed which impressed many...thank you Parsons School of Design where that whole skill set started.
After work I then ran to the theatre I did props for to fix something and sadly accidently got superglue all over my hand which made me really uncomfortable, but most of it seems to be gone now. Eeeeeeeck. No fun there.
Now I make pasta and sit around the apartment in my superman underwear and a t shirt because I am the only one here through MONDAY. AWESOME. However sitting on a wicker chair with no real pants is a really stupid idea because now I'm afraid I'm going to have funny patterns on my legs for the rest of my life.
So yeah, I'm still going through stuff about boys. But the good news is, I took the initiative and asked someone I find attractive to go to a party with me...we'll see how it pans out or if he bails, but the text message I got was great. Anyways...I'm starting to move on I guess.
I've been listening to this song by Mika a lot that is about break ups/sad relationship things...the lyrics are sad but the melody is less so and it has a gospel choir in it, which is kind of great.
I like things that are kind of wonderful, beautiful and ridiculous all at once.
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Monday, March 19, 2007
When child stars grow up hot-
Ok that kid from the sitcom Third Rock from the Sun grew up to be really really hot, an amazing indie film actor, and outspoken in interviews.
Hot. I have a new official crush. Google him...and more.
Hot. I have a new official crush. Google him...and more.
Sunday, March 18, 2007
And then you realize at the end of the day you are still by yourself and you have a bruise on your butt.
St P's Day:
My ex-boyfriend's bro bought me a beer.
My crush called me.
My best friend walked several blocks to buy me pizza.
A perfect stranger bought me a guiness.
Several man-boys talked to me which motivated me to talk to other man boys instead.
I smooozhed with a cute irish waiter.
A new friend gave me champagne and bought me a beer.
So how come I can't be happy....actually it's just amazing I'm not totally hungover.
Besides the fact that I did wipe out on the icy sidewalk today/tonight the whole St. Patrick's Day turned out quite fun.
Emotions are not simple and that my friends, is why I am a mini mess. Also FYI don't watch the movie called "The Breakup". Bad news bears.
Sigh.
My ex-boyfriend's bro bought me a beer.
My crush called me.
My best friend walked several blocks to buy me pizza.
A perfect stranger bought me a guiness.
Several man-boys talked to me which motivated me to talk to other man boys instead.
I smooozhed with a cute irish waiter.
A new friend gave me champagne and bought me a beer.
So how come I can't be happy....actually it's just amazing I'm not totally hungover.
Besides the fact that I did wipe out on the icy sidewalk today/tonight the whole St. Patrick's Day turned out quite fun.
Emotions are not simple and that my friends, is why I am a mini mess. Also FYI don't watch the movie called "The Breakup". Bad news bears.
Sigh.
Friday, March 16, 2007
She might have a pretty face but I have paintbrushes
Things that make me feel unsettled:
Having my stuff in 12 million different places.
Awkwardness with old friends.
Too many phone calls to return.
The crazy weather.
Opening night parties where I am off my game.
Meeting people but not knowing how to turn a meeting into a friendship.
Watching random hook-ups happen and knowing I'm uncomfortable with the idea of one night stands.
Watching random hook-ups happen and not understanding why I'm so uncomfortable with the idea.
Having my stuff in 12 million different places.
Awkwardness with old friends.
Too many phone calls to return.
The crazy weather.
Opening night parties where I am off my game.
Meeting people but not knowing how to turn a meeting into a friendship.
Watching random hook-ups happen and knowing I'm uncomfortable with the idea of one night stands.
Watching random hook-ups happen and not understanding why I'm so uncomfortable with the idea.
Thursday, March 15, 2007
Sleepy and Covered in Paint
As much I am enjoying doing production work again, props is backbreaking work. I like the challenge of it and the satisfaction of finding/building the right items, but it is difficult. Especially since the cast is full of attractive boys (they are all boys- sometimes it feels like being in a locker room) and I would like to get my feet wet in that whole dating/flirting thing, but I walk around covered in paint and holding a conceptual deer carcus prop. Sigh. But those boys are pretty to look at and I have 2 upcoming opportunities to look pretty and smile at a non-opening night performance and a birthday party.
I am looking forward to beginning my new job if only for the financial security. Thank goodness I had savings coming back from London and my credit card charges don't really start until late this year. Otherwise I would have had to be temping like crazy for the past few weeks instead of doing props and hanging out which was much more beneficial for my brain.
While at a rehearsal I had some time with my laptop but no internet so I tried to be productive by moving all pictures of the boy to a folder so I wouldn't come across them accidently. I showed a picture of the ex to someone who never met the boy that I became friends with recently and she commented "No offense, but you should be with someone more attractive". It wasn't solicited and probably was strategic - my first instinct was to defend the boy but then I thought "Eh...I can be now perhaps." A sign of healing or angst, it doesn't really matter. I did realize that now I am able to realize and conciously admit that I don't like balding younger men. It's nothing I hold against them and I think they can be attractive, but it makes things more difficult. I think the shaved shiny head thing works well on black men, but less so on other ethnicities. I spent a great deal of time the last few months...jesus...years either telling someone that being bald didn't matter, that I thought bald could be attractive, and spending time trying to look at balding younger men and trying to find them attractive. A great deal of work in a way for not necessarily a huge return. It's different if you are teaching someone to dress better because then there is steady upwards motion. Baldness is really hard. I can't imagine how it makes the balding person feel...it's too bad there is a stigma - maybe I am just pretending there is a stigma when there really isn't to make myself feel better. Oh well, I'll just try to date someone with prominent hair I guess. Like George Clooney. Riiiight,
Oh man it's late. Must sleep. This is the first time I've gotten into some of my anger/feelings/complaints about the demise of my recent relationship. I'm curious what that means in terms of psychology and other head-y disciplines.
I am looking forward to beginning my new job if only for the financial security. Thank goodness I had savings coming back from London and my credit card charges don't really start until late this year. Otherwise I would have had to be temping like crazy for the past few weeks instead of doing props and hanging out which was much more beneficial for my brain.
While at a rehearsal I had some time with my laptop but no internet so I tried to be productive by moving all pictures of the boy to a folder so I wouldn't come across them accidently. I showed a picture of the ex to someone who never met the boy that I became friends with recently and she commented "No offense, but you should be with someone more attractive". It wasn't solicited and probably was strategic - my first instinct was to defend the boy but then I thought "Eh...I can be now perhaps." A sign of healing or angst, it doesn't really matter. I did realize that now I am able to realize and conciously admit that I don't like balding younger men. It's nothing I hold against them and I think they can be attractive, but it makes things more difficult. I think the shaved shiny head thing works well on black men, but less so on other ethnicities. I spent a great deal of time the last few months...jesus...years either telling someone that being bald didn't matter, that I thought bald could be attractive, and spending time trying to look at balding younger men and trying to find them attractive. A great deal of work in a way for not necessarily a huge return. It's different if you are teaching someone to dress better because then there is steady upwards motion. Baldness is really hard. I can't imagine how it makes the balding person feel...it's too bad there is a stigma - maybe I am just pretending there is a stigma when there really isn't to make myself feel better. Oh well, I'll just try to date someone with prominent hair I guess. Like George Clooney. Riiiight,
Oh man it's late. Must sleep. This is the first time I've gotten into some of my anger/feelings/complaints about the demise of my recent relationship. I'm curious what that means in terms of psychology and other head-y disciplines.
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
A shout out to Omar and Trevor
...the nice stock boys at Whole Foods that helped me get better fruit crates for props. I made friends with them by lurking around the produce section for two days in a row waiting for them to unpack pears.
Thanks dudes. Way to support the arts.
Thanks dudes. Way to support the arts.
Are You a Masochist or an Optimist?
I've been on this kick lately that all artists are optimists...we all keep plugging along hoping that some project will give us that satisfaction we once felt...
I also laugh because I am grouping myself in with artists - many people that have known me for years think it is a natural classification, but I do consider PRACTICING art a real qualification of being one...I've been doing that arts management thing for a while now.
I started this endeavor showing photos of Liz/Beth to Michelle, but really it was just about me reminiscing about other times. I was looking at the pictures from the summer I worked at Jacob's Pillow and I can't believe how wonderfully all those interns bonded. I think I am really going to make an effort to get there this summer and make a stop at Williamstowm as well- the only other summer festival I've considered of late.
Looking at my photos I realize how many picture perfect moments I've had. Thank goodness, it's been a good ride! It's funny to realize how many of these moments happened without that guy I dated for three years.
I raise my glass to the following events:
Drama School Graduation
Jacob's Pillow Gala
Jacob's Pillow Intern Spoof
That one time we went to the lake in Becket and then nobody was wearing clothes
Abby and Andrea drive Across Michigan to escape the Blackout
Torino, the Cultural Trip, Positano, Nice, Greece
Leagues
Morocco
4.48 Psychosis
Getting to live in the crazy house sophomore year
The White Stripes Concert where Meg a White Stripe got me in
One million other little moments.
New York. You, me and 5,000 friends...
There are people who have never had a perfect romantic moment...I've had at least two with different people. And I love both of them dearly...the moments not the people.
Smiles and looking towards the future,
.
I also laugh because I am grouping myself in with artists - many people that have known me for years think it is a natural classification, but I do consider PRACTICING art a real qualification of being one...I've been doing that arts management thing for a while now.
I started this endeavor showing photos of Liz/Beth to Michelle, but really it was just about me reminiscing about other times. I was looking at the pictures from the summer I worked at Jacob's Pillow and I can't believe how wonderfully all those interns bonded. I think I am really going to make an effort to get there this summer and make a stop at Williamstowm as well- the only other summer festival I've considered of late.
Looking at my photos I realize how many picture perfect moments I've had. Thank goodness, it's been a good ride! It's funny to realize how many of these moments happened without that guy I dated for three years.
I raise my glass to the following events:
Drama School Graduation
Jacob's Pillow Gala
Jacob's Pillow Intern Spoof
That one time we went to the lake in Becket and then nobody was wearing clothes
Abby and Andrea drive Across Michigan to escape the Blackout
Torino, the Cultural Trip, Positano, Nice, Greece
Leagues
Morocco
4.48 Psychosis
Getting to live in the crazy house sophomore year
The White Stripes Concert where Meg a White Stripe got me in
One million other little moments.
New York. You, me and 5,000 friends...
There are people who have never had a perfect romantic moment...I've had at least two with different people. And I love both of them dearly...the moments not the people.
Smiles and looking towards the future,
.
Sunday, March 11, 2007
Drinks and Tassels...
I officially went to my first burlesque show, which is probably a good trainer for the day when I actually step into a strip club...oy vey. I had a good time, a little overwhelming in that I saw more breasts than I have in a while and so many tassels...but it didn't bother me...was it bad that I was thinking second job as a burlesque dancer. I was pretty happy about the fact that I knew more people at the party than expected- I was afraid it would be nervewracking.
On a frustrating note I have to find more props again. It is hard to find very specific items on a small budget. BUT I do enjoy the fringe benefits such as the experience of seeing some good acting and people that seem very happy to tell the story of "As You Like It" and my crush on both one of the actors and the sound designer...it's jus tnice to be able to have crushes again.
On a frustrating note I have to find more props again. It is hard to find very specific items on a small budget. BUT I do enjoy the fringe benefits such as the experience of seeing some good acting and people that seem very happy to tell the story of "As You Like It" and my crush on both one of the actors and the sound designer...it's jus tnice to be able to have crushes again.
Wednesday, March 7, 2007
One Hand Smells Like Tea and One is Blue...
I was trying to dye/stain fake money so it looked less American for this show I am doing props for, but as you can see from this blog post title, things may have gone awry.
I have officially accepted a job. I tried to negotiate more salary and I did, but not as much as I had hoped, however I am making much more money than I ever did before AND I will be sitting pretty with all my expenses. Now I just have to do my taxes and I can sit pretty after I get that whole apartment thing figured out. Please please if you know me, picture me perched on a couch in the Queens Salvation Army surrounded by fake flowers and crocheted blankets and a wood crate frantically doing math in my planner as I negotiate salary with HR at Manhattan Theater Club. Yes, yes, this is my life - I am starting to be convinced that I handle a lot of crazy situations with a little grace (of course it helps when you are comfortable with looking silly in public to get the job done - if you can't handle that, you be screwed.)
I played anthropologist today as I watched the mating rituals of the Brooklyn adolescent on the subway. I learned that the best way to hit on a lady when you are sixteen is to yell at her and ask her where she goes to school and what grade she is in. If she is a freshman, you'd best watch your step. The whole episode was pretty funny - I would have been a bit taken aback I feel at fourteen to sixteen but these girls were giving as good as they got. The first step is the yelling and establishing of basic facts, then if the adolescents like each other at this point they sit by each other BUT ONLY in groups. Tomorrow I will document the commuting rituals of the asian post forty crew....
I have officially accepted a job. I tried to negotiate more salary and I did, but not as much as I had hoped, however I am making much more money than I ever did before AND I will be sitting pretty with all my expenses. Now I just have to do my taxes and I can sit pretty after I get that whole apartment thing figured out. Please please if you know me, picture me perched on a couch in the Queens Salvation Army surrounded by fake flowers and crocheted blankets and a wood crate frantically doing math in my planner as I negotiate salary with HR at Manhattan Theater Club. Yes, yes, this is my life - I am starting to be convinced that I handle a lot of crazy situations with a little grace (of course it helps when you are comfortable with looking silly in public to get the job done - if you can't handle that, you be screwed.)
I played anthropologist today as I watched the mating rituals of the Brooklyn adolescent on the subway. I learned that the best way to hit on a lady when you are sixteen is to yell at her and ask her where she goes to school and what grade she is in. If she is a freshman, you'd best watch your step. The whole episode was pretty funny - I would have been a bit taken aback I feel at fourteen to sixteen but these girls were giving as good as they got. The first step is the yelling and establishing of basic facts, then if the adolescents like each other at this point they sit by each other BUT ONLY in groups. Tomorrow I will document the commuting rituals of the asian post forty crew....
A Job and two apple crates?!?!
The Universe does love me and will take care of you!
Well kids, I have a job...well actually I have a job offer, which is great and then I get to feel all grown up. The great thing was that I had a horrible job interview today and was feeling kind of poopy during the interview...let me elaborate.
I go to an interview at Columbia Artists Management International to be a booking agent. As I am talking to the lady, it becomes painfully clear that I do NOT know anything about being a booking agent..especially a booking agent for mainly classical musical artists. The lady says "I didn't actually see anything on your resume that suggests you are capable of this job, but I liked your cover letter so I was hoping you would tell me something that is not listed here that would convince me." WHAT?!?! Anyways, it shows I write a mean cover letter. We then talked about my options in the city, which was strange because I felt like she was saying "Buck up little tomato, you'll find a job soon." I had already listened to a voicemail from my job offer which is a big theater complex in the city that deals with new work and famous people...so I wasn't really too pissed.
But seriously..that interview was a waste of everyones' time.
Then I went to rehearsal which was satisfying on a few levels: seeing actors do their thing, remembering why Shakespeare is just so darn pretty, seeing my friend Dan wearing a silly eye gel mask (made my day), and a little harmless flirting.
The best part was when I walked out of the rehearsal and saw...drum roll please...two wood crates...exactly the missing prop I needed. New York at times can be a giant wonderful playground. However, today it's balls cold and no one wanted to play outside.
Well kids, I have a job...well actually I have a job offer, which is great and then I get to feel all grown up. The great thing was that I had a horrible job interview today and was feeling kind of poopy during the interview...let me elaborate.
I go to an interview at Columbia Artists Management International to be a booking agent. As I am talking to the lady, it becomes painfully clear that I do NOT know anything about being a booking agent..especially a booking agent for mainly classical musical artists. The lady says "I didn't actually see anything on your resume that suggests you are capable of this job, but I liked your cover letter so I was hoping you would tell me something that is not listed here that would convince me." WHAT?!?! Anyways, it shows I write a mean cover letter. We then talked about my options in the city, which was strange because I felt like she was saying "Buck up little tomato, you'll find a job soon." I had already listened to a voicemail from my job offer which is a big theater complex in the city that deals with new work and famous people...so I wasn't really too pissed.
But seriously..that interview was a waste of everyones' time.
Then I went to rehearsal which was satisfying on a few levels: seeing actors do their thing, remembering why Shakespeare is just so darn pretty, seeing my friend Dan wearing a silly eye gel mask (made my day), and a little harmless flirting.
The best part was when I walked out of the rehearsal and saw...drum roll please...two wood crates...exactly the missing prop I needed. New York at times can be a giant wonderful playground. However, today it's balls cold and no one wanted to play outside.
Tuesday, March 6, 2007
Sunday, March 4, 2007
Excuse me but do you have any early 20th century luggage?
Shopping for props I have learned the following:
Old luggage is hard to find.
The Salvation Army in Queens is good but closed on Sundays.
Those old school flat suckers the doctor used to give you are hard to find.
K-Mart sells hankerchiefs.
If you carry around a picnic basket in Bed-Sty someone may say "Aw shorty, your date stand you up for a picnic?" and you say "Uh...It's a prop for a show. I don't like picnics." which elicits essentially no response.
Fake gun laws in NY are really really strict.
You can consistently buy antlers on E-Bay and waste several hours doing so. This is the second show I've had to find antlers for.
Old luggage is hard to find.
The Salvation Army in Queens is good but closed on Sundays.
Those old school flat suckers the doctor used to give you are hard to find.
K-Mart sells hankerchiefs.
If you carry around a picnic basket in Bed-Sty someone may say "Aw shorty, your date stand you up for a picnic?" and you say "Uh...It's a prop for a show. I don't like picnics." which elicits essentially no response.
Fake gun laws in NY are really really strict.
You can consistently buy antlers on E-Bay and waste several hours doing so. This is the second show I've had to find antlers for.
Saturday, March 3, 2007
My life in a series of quotes....
"I mean I met this one hipster kid, but he made chandeliers for fun and he got real excited about the fact I buy beads....so he wasn't really pretentious."
"Why don't you like mussels?" "Because they taste like the SEA!"
"It feels like a warm baby bird." "Well if you start eating baby birds, don't tell me."
"So do you like watching movies...because I do!"
"The film was shooting in this abandoned factory in Jersey..."
"I had this dream last night that I made you really mad....are we ok?" "Yeah we haven't talked in two days, we're cool."
"You may have a published play, but you still have a hole in your pants."
"I said I want to work in advertising because its neat." "I'm going to assume that is the Cliff Notes and you didn't really say that."
'These things come from somewhere...it's not like you woke up one morning and said "Today I will exert emotional pressure on him" and then ate a bowl of cereal."
"Why don't you like mussels?" "Because they taste like the SEA!"
"It feels like a warm baby bird." "Well if you start eating baby birds, don't tell me."
"So do you like watching movies...because I do!"
"The film was shooting in this abandoned factory in Jersey..."
"I had this dream last night that I made you really mad....are we ok?" "Yeah we haven't talked in two days, we're cool."
"You may have a published play, but you still have a hole in your pants."
"I said I want to work in advertising because its neat." "I'm going to assume that is the Cliff Notes and you didn't really say that."
'These things come from somewhere...it's not like you woke up one morning and said "Today I will exert emotional pressure on him" and then ate a bowl of cereal."
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Message from God...and Phillip Morris
This is the post where I talk about God. Actually no not God, because I'm kind of a big ball of believing in a mix of fate, luck, coincidence, divine providence, and a little bit of comedy.
So really it's just a couple things...
When cigarettes fall mysteriously from the sky is a divine presence telling me to take up smoking?
And as other things fall neatly into place (jobs opening up, friends going on long trips and giving me free rent) is it healthier to believe that I am meant to be in NYC right now....
Or should I keep skimming those books at Barnes and Noble about relationships that are vague in a way because I feel like anyone would read them and then question their ability to be a functional person....
Dude, I swear I just went to the bookstore to pee.
I choose option A - meant to be here, especially because I'm having a lot of fun.
So really it's just a couple things...
When cigarettes fall mysteriously from the sky is a divine presence telling me to take up smoking?
And as other things fall neatly into place (jobs opening up, friends going on long trips and giving me free rent) is it healthier to believe that I am meant to be in NYC right now....
Or should I keep skimming those books at Barnes and Noble about relationships that are vague in a way because I feel like anyone would read them and then question their ability to be a functional person....
Dude, I swear I just went to the bookstore to pee.
I choose option A - meant to be here, especially because I'm having a lot of fun.
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Hi My name is .... and I'm a ...
Last night I went to the Grey Goose Vodka Party my friend did the lighting design for and it was kind of amazing... I'm pretty thrilled anytime there is free food, but by the time I was on my 3rd fancy drink and eating tiramisu out of little square containers, I was a big supporter. Liz came too as did Christina's brother and he and I learned we have the same birthday - a little crazy I do say.
The party was in the building that used to hold De La Guarda. I saw their NY show years ago the first time I lived here so I took a little time to reflect and then just enjoyed all the restauranteurs and the fancy clothes as well as the giant murals made of pears. I did run into someone I know - a guy who was an actor at a theater festival in '01 when I was basically a lowly intern. I was a guest at the party and he was a waiter - someone said that must feel pretty good, but it doesn't really. What can you do but just keep eating the free lobster puffs. Then I woke up at six this morning because I thought it was raining and then realized I'd only been asleep for about 4 real hours. Argh. This is why I stick to beer and wine.
So I went to a party a few days ago where I felt pretty awkward for a while, but then it was ok. I was proud of myself for making the effort to talk to people I didn't know. I've definitely learned to not go into any kind of social party/situation expecting anything specific because it is never what you think it is.
Parties always bring up the age old question "What do you DO?" and since I don't really know, that's a hard question.
Honestly I feel like talking about things I like or reactions I have to things would be more accurate than "arts administrator" or "theater artist" - really it should be more like this:
Likes snow falling when the snow is still clean
Hates really loud noises unexpectedly
Likes dipping graham crackers in milk
A reader
Ability to live in really weird living situations without much issue (ie current nomad status)
Likes it when New Yorkers do nice things like help old ladies cross the street (I've seen this 3 TIMES with the snow!!!)
Anyways, I have a little theater job and an interview for a part time well paying fundraising job.
Game on.
The party was in the building that used to hold De La Guarda. I saw their NY show years ago the first time I lived here so I took a little time to reflect and then just enjoyed all the restauranteurs and the fancy clothes as well as the giant murals made of pears. I did run into someone I know - a guy who was an actor at a theater festival in '01 when I was basically a lowly intern. I was a guest at the party and he was a waiter - someone said that must feel pretty good, but it doesn't really. What can you do but just keep eating the free lobster puffs. Then I woke up at six this morning because I thought it was raining and then realized I'd only been asleep for about 4 real hours. Argh. This is why I stick to beer and wine.
So I went to a party a few days ago where I felt pretty awkward for a while, but then it was ok. I was proud of myself for making the effort to talk to people I didn't know. I've definitely learned to not go into any kind of social party/situation expecting anything specific because it is never what you think it is.
Parties always bring up the age old question "What do you DO?" and since I don't really know, that's a hard question.
Honestly I feel like talking about things I like or reactions I have to things would be more accurate than "arts administrator" or "theater artist" - really it should be more like this:
Likes snow falling when the snow is still clean
Hates really loud noises unexpectedly
Likes dipping graham crackers in milk
A reader
Ability to live in really weird living situations without much issue (ie current nomad status)
Likes it when New Yorkers do nice things like help old ladies cross the street (I've seen this 3 TIMES with the snow!!!)
Anyways, I have a little theater job and an interview for a part time well paying fundraising job.
Game on.
Sunday, February 25, 2007
A Paper Shiv Will Do No Harm
There was a play in the Neo Futurists show last night called Ineffective Fighting Moves or something like that.
Ok so me and the internet were in a fight, but I surrendered and now I have a T Mobile HotSpot Account.
I watched Michelle and Liz take the giantest pile of laundry ever to the 'Mat as in Laundromat. Through no fault of their own (or mine- I wasn't there), the sheets, bath mat, and other things were vomited on. I was afraid I missed a really good staying at home apartment night but now I am just glad I got out of there alive last night.
The best advice I've gotten lately is to spin everything for the positive, because even if it is isn't true, it will only help.
I had a really good brunch with friends. The Popover Cafe might be one of my favorite breakfast places.
I'm applying for jobs now...I need a job, not for money but because I need to feel productive and like I am contributing....I actually do need the money, but not immediately.
Remember this relationship advice from Liz: If someone doesn't want to recycle, that might be the first sign that something will go awry later....
Ok so me and the internet were in a fight, but I surrendered and now I have a T Mobile HotSpot Account.
I watched Michelle and Liz take the giantest pile of laundry ever to the 'Mat as in Laundromat. Through no fault of their own (or mine- I wasn't there), the sheets, bath mat, and other things were vomited on. I was afraid I missed a really good staying at home apartment night but now I am just glad I got out of there alive last night.
The best advice I've gotten lately is to spin everything for the positive, because even if it is isn't true, it will only help.
I had a really good brunch with friends. The Popover Cafe might be one of my favorite breakfast places.
I'm applying for jobs now...I need a job, not for money but because I need to feel productive and like I am contributing....I actually do need the money, but not immediately.
Remember this relationship advice from Liz: If someone doesn't want to recycle, that might be the first sign that something will go awry later....
Thursday, February 22, 2007
Magic and Miracles.
I believe they do happen, and not just on TV.
I need someone who can believe in this too.
I need someone who can believe in this too.
Astronaut Love Triangle Wins Best Team Name!
A list in no particular order of things that make me happy today:
1. Pub Quizzes
2. How perfect strangers can be really helpful when you need to find a T-Mobile Store
3. Cleaning a house, if it is with one of your best friends, is really fun.
4. Crepes
5. Trying on dresses
I sent some angry emails, but I feel a lot better now because I've finally said everything I need to say to the ex. I think it is impossible to break up and be friends right away, but with time who knows....although I think this situation might be extra hard given the circumstances.
I feel it is important to say what you need to say in these situations...the only person you have to live with is yourself in the end. And now I feel I can.
Now that the phone mystery is solved, I can finally get on with my life and apply for jobs...the list is endless which is a really good thing.
Here is a stupid pet peeve I have....if you are using a photo someone else took, credit them when appropriate.
Ok gotta read the papers, current events are important especially when it comes to pub quizzes.
1. Pub Quizzes
2. How perfect strangers can be really helpful when you need to find a T-Mobile Store
3. Cleaning a house, if it is with one of your best friends, is really fun.
4. Crepes
5. Trying on dresses
I sent some angry emails, but I feel a lot better now because I've finally said everything I need to say to the ex. I think it is impossible to break up and be friends right away, but with time who knows....although I think this situation might be extra hard given the circumstances.
I feel it is important to say what you need to say in these situations...the only person you have to live with is yourself in the end. And now I feel I can.
Now that the phone mystery is solved, I can finally get on with my life and apply for jobs...the list is endless which is a really good thing.
Here is a stupid pet peeve I have....if you are using a photo someone else took, credit them when appropriate.
Ok gotta read the papers, current events are important especially when it comes to pub quizzes.
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Argh.
There really isn't a good way to express this but ARGH. Before I left for London, this guy I used to work with at my 2nd job wanted to be friends. Now friends are good....but the problem is, I don't think he wanted to just be friends and I felt really awkward around him pretty much 100% of the time. But I was moving to London, so it was ok.
Problem: My bad luck.
Who do I run into at a Barnes and Noble at 9:30 on a Tuesday? You got it kids! Yep. So now what do I do? I've already been invited for coffee, via email. Sigh.
I've been really angry yesterday and I think today (it's early, I hope things could change) about this whole London/breakup thing. I think the spike of anger is due to getting over the "shock" of being back in NY part, but also due to the fact that I still don't have my cell phone and although I could just get a new one there is an activated cell phone floating through the magical paths of the US Postal Service and getting a new one is overkill. But the phone is holding me back from the very important socializing and also job-finding next steps.
I saw a People Magazine with the title "Astronaut Love Triangle" which struck me as a good name for a band.
By the way, I hate how Facebook can be used as a weapon. You know what people are going to read - you know that people are procrastinators and will therefore read stupid little things.
On a happy note, thus far seeing events/plays/shows/etc. has been very fruitful. I saw a free theater presentation last night that involved disabled actors. It was very low key because it was in an NYU conference room, but there was lots of free food and wine which canceled out any feelings of resentment I had for the post show discussion.
Tonight I might see a concert.
Problem: My bad luck.
Who do I run into at a Barnes and Noble at 9:30 on a Tuesday? You got it kids! Yep. So now what do I do? I've already been invited for coffee, via email. Sigh.
I've been really angry yesterday and I think today (it's early, I hope things could change) about this whole London/breakup thing. I think the spike of anger is due to getting over the "shock" of being back in NY part, but also due to the fact that I still don't have my cell phone and although I could just get a new one there is an activated cell phone floating through the magical paths of the US Postal Service and getting a new one is overkill. But the phone is holding me back from the very important socializing and also job-finding next steps.
I saw a People Magazine with the title "Astronaut Love Triangle" which struck me as a good name for a band.
By the way, I hate how Facebook can be used as a weapon. You know what people are going to read - you know that people are procrastinators and will therefore read stupid little things.
On a happy note, thus far seeing events/plays/shows/etc. has been very fruitful. I saw a free theater presentation last night that involved disabled actors. It was very low key because it was in an NYU conference room, but there was lots of free food and wine which canceled out any feelings of resentment I had for the post show discussion.
Tonight I might see a concert.
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
The Sex Lives of Cannibals
This is a title of a book that I reread parts of yesterday. I had read it about 2 years ago while waiting for a delayed Greyhound Bus in Pittsburgh. A tip: This is not a good book to read if you do not want anyone to talk to you... but it's ridiculously funny. The book was on Liz and Michelle's shelf which just adds another reason to the list why I like them.
I actually googled the author because I was curious what he looked like. He doesn't look at all like what I thought he would, which is good because I was afraid I might him attractive that would just be weird. I've given this book to two people as gifts - once to my brother who enjoyed it, and once to my ex-boyfriend who never read it and then gave it to his sister.
The book chronicles two years a couple spent on a remote Pacific Island and I highly recommend it.
I like books about travel...I know that the humorous travel memoir is a bit overdone, but I enjoy books of this nature.
I'm going to move onto the classics soon...there is a lot of Proust in this apartment but most of it is in French...hmmmmm.
Just a note, if you do like books about travel, especially narratives where people find out things and then talk about it in a funny observational way, try the following:
Honeymoon with My Brother
Travels with Alice
River Town
Holy Cow: An Indian Adventure
I'm sure there are others I could recommend but I have stuff to do.
I'm still trying to figure out what happened to my phone, working on bank details, have to get my computer from a friend, and need to walk to get rid of some angry.
I actually googled the author because I was curious what he looked like. He doesn't look at all like what I thought he would, which is good because I was afraid I might him attractive that would just be weird. I've given this book to two people as gifts - once to my brother who enjoyed it, and once to my ex-boyfriend who never read it and then gave it to his sister.
The book chronicles two years a couple spent on a remote Pacific Island and I highly recommend it.
I like books about travel...I know that the humorous travel memoir is a bit overdone, but I enjoy books of this nature.
I'm going to move onto the classics soon...there is a lot of Proust in this apartment but most of it is in French...hmmmmm.
Just a note, if you do like books about travel, especially narratives where people find out things and then talk about it in a funny observational way, try the following:
Honeymoon with My Brother
Travels with Alice
River Town
Holy Cow: An Indian Adventure
I'm sure there are others I could recommend but I have stuff to do.
I'm still trying to figure out what happened to my phone, working on bank details, have to get my computer from a friend, and need to walk to get rid of some angry.
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